We all believed Australia‘s iteration of the Real Housewives franchise would dissipate like a soft, albeit long and somewhat strained, fart in the wind. Sure, it’d hang around for a bit – its sole purpose being to upset our senses – but then the blowing gail that is our nation’s dismissiveness would sweep it away into the wheelie bin of reality television’s past. 

The show’s MO (not that we need to remind you) relies on theatrical arguments, exuberant wealth, and situations that cause its cast members to remark, “why did you say [insert mildly offensive comment] to [insert bitchiest housewife]?” 

What we all failed to anticipate, however, was how well that methodology would be complemented by an unashamedly Australian uncouthness. The result? Arguably some of the most iconic moments in Australian television.

EXHIBIT A

EXHIBIT B

EXHIBIT C

Really, really, phenomenal stuff.  

Anyway, this writer had to change his underwear upon hearing that Sydney would cop its own spin-off – a reaction I imagine all of you will mimic upon learning who the show’s cast members are. 

BEHOLD, THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SYDNEY.

ATHENAX LEVENDI


Photo: Facebook.
Athena (otherwise known as “AthenaX”) is a painter, sculptor and jewellery designer living in Bellevue Hill with her husband and three children.

KRISSY MARSH


Photo: Instagram.

Originally from Brissy, Krissy moved to Sydney at the ripe age of 18 to kick off her modelling career. She’s currently a real estate agent living in Double Bay with her three children.

LISA OLDFIELD


Photo: Facebook.
Wife to former politician David Oldfield, Lisa’s all about that controversial life as a media commentator, businesswoman and tech guru. She kicks it in the Northern Beaches with the fam.

MATTY SAMAEI

Photo: Facebook.
Matty owns a beauty spa in Double Bay, because of course, and lives in Bellevue Hill with her partner and two young girls. “Her favourite activities include shopping, travel and socialising.”

MELISSA TKAUTZ


Photo: Facebook.
She’s an ARIA award winner, has appeared on a bunch of TV shows and has a whopping 80 magazine covers to her name. She’s a mother of two in Frenchs Forest, where she lives with her hubby. “She loves to catch up with her friends over champagne.”

NICOLE O’NEIL


Photo: Instagram.
Nicole is a former Miss Australia, but now owns an event planning company which is killing it in both Sydney and London. She’s got two daughters, who were raised in Dubai and London, and “loves that they can now experience the privileged lifestyle Sydney has to offer.”

VICTORIA REES

Photo: P.TV.
She’s single and ready to mingle, you guys. She’s mum to her 12-year-old son in Bondi, has an interior decorating background and now owns a beauty product called Wrinkles Schminkles.

There you have it, folks. We’ll keep you posted on when the first season’s set to drop. In the interim, try not to leak all over the floor in excitement.