‘The Project’ Wheeled Out Richie & Alex Minutes After Debriefing W/ Nikki

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Published

September 16, 2016

As the psychic trauma of The Bachelor’s finale reverberated around Australia last night, the fine folks / masochists at Channel 10 apparently took stock of the damage they had wrought and thought to themselves, “how can we make this even worse for the already stricken public?”

Well, we’re ~~proud~~ distraught to announce they did indeed find a way. They invited also-ran Nikki Gogan onto The Project, less than 24 hours after we all witnessed the greatest reality TV robbery of all time, and she proved why it was so easy for Australia to get behind her – and why her ~~betrayal~~ loss was so hard to handle.

Translation: 🙁

On Alex Nation’s eventual success with Richie Strahan, Nikki said it was a “very weird situation where half of my heart was aching,” with the other half somehow finding room to be happy for the series’ final couple.

“I’m not the first person to fall in love with someone who doesn’t love them back, and I won’t be the last…

Richie and Alex don’t deserve any kind of backlash, they’re two young people in love, and that’s a beautiful thing.”

Then, after a discussion that touched on her heartbreak and the possible wrath of her brother-in-law Snowy (mate, wherever you are, we hope you’re okay), those “two young people in love” were ushered onto the set, presumably after disembarking from an armoured vehicle.

While the producers upstairs were probs gunning for an all-out riot, hosts Gorgi Coghlan and Waleed Aly kept their Q’s juuust pointed enough to keep the pair on their toes. On the objectively fkd concept of dating 25 women at a time – and the obvious connection he had with Nikki – Richie said he took each relationship seriously for his own sanity. No mention of ours, though:

“People do get invested in what they’re looking at on TV, and we built a special relationship, but my heart belongs to Alex.”

That fairly anodyne comment eventually did give way to some weirdness, though. After discussing the logistics of reconciling his life in Perth with hers in Melbourne, co-panelist Jamila Rizvi straight-up asked him what his problems with brunettes is.

Watching the series, did you ever think the words “shrine of brunettes with knives” in ’em would come out of his mouth? Welp, they did, as he mocked the public’s appraisal of his fair-haired proclivities. A casual mention of Alex’s possibly bottle-blonde hair couldn’t mask that uneasy imagery.

Speaking of, the infamous chocolate bath was broached once more, taking things straight back into night-terror territory. Somehow, to the obvious disgust of the panel, Richie and Alex spoke v. fondly of the goopy choccie yuk tub.

Yum yum in my tum tum.

They described how buoyant they were in the melted ooze. Richie likened his chocolate-covered knees to some kind of unholy Golden Rough. Alex said it took days – days – for her to work that cocoa-badness out of her ears. The mind boggles thinking about where else it ended up.

Some visible cringing from the hosts closed out the segment, leaving us feel a wee bit unsure about the situation: yes, we were absolutely conned by the season finale, but maybe, just maybe… Nikki will be okay without a man who is comfortable soaking chocolate fondue into his orifices.

In fact, maybe that’s why half of her heart is allowing the pair to move on with their lives: chocolate kinksters deserve to be with their own kind, ya know?

Watch the whole exchange and cure your dessert cravings right here:

Richie & Alex talk social media, Nikki, brunettes, long distance & chocolate baths! ?? #TheBachelorAU #TheProjectTV https://t.co/ESdi1dV72C

— #TheProjectTV (@theprojecttv) September 16, 2016

Source and photo: The Project / Tenplay.