Please, Can We Move Our Partying To The Daytime And Just Sleep At Night?

If you are like me, you might find yourself hard-pressed to name something more enjoyable than sleeping.  Mate, I cannot begin to express how much I bloody love a good sleep.  Sure, it could be pointed out that sex and chocolate and hot showers on cold mornings can also be quite glorious, but all those things require accoutrements additional to your own person.  And unlike all those things, sleep is free.

Which is why, when I get invited to a party that starts at 8pm I am torn.  Because if there’s anything that holds a candle to sleep, it’s having a good time with good friends.  And if you’ve ever seen any movie set in the 18th Century, you may know that it is hard to fall asleep when someone is holding a lit candle near you.

Wee Willie Winkie getting lit, fam.

But long enough have we compromised, living life perpetually either tired with friends or freshly rested but lonely!  The time has come to do what convention has long disallowed – we must reschedule all our night-time parties to the mid-morning.  Saturdays at 10:30am, a time of the week monopolised by the Children’s Birthday Party Racket for far too long.  Well not this weekend Timmy, you little shit.  This weekend is for Mamma.

And I’m not just talking about brunch (don’t get me wrong, brunch is great), I’m talking about a full on par-tay.

YES. KWEEN.

Looking for an excuse to spend time with your crush?  Throw your next house party during the day.  Keen to get on the munt and have one last loose time with the gals before your wedding?  Have your Bachelorette party during the day.  High off the success of your play’s four-week run?  Great, well everyone go home and get a good night’s rest so that tomorrow morning we can bump out and have the wrap party straight afterward, during the day.

I know that our lord and saviour, Alex Turner of Arctic Monkeys has expressly told us that “the nights are mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day,” but he was wrong to break up with Alexa and he’s wrong about this too.  For starters, the night was made for sleeping, not talking.  I absolutely cannot stress that enough.  But also, please give the daytime some credit.

That’s right mate, you just have a think.

We see the doctor about our gross infections, cry at the window in front of the bank teller, and make class presentations during the day.  Under the warm gaze of the Sun is when most of us are giving things a go, trying our best, and working hard to become the best version of ourselves.  If anything, we are at our most emotionally vulnerable in daylight, which is the best time to be surrounded by friends.

Our night time persona is all glitter eyeshadow and hair gel.  That bitch has a wall up, and she sure as hell isn’t going to be sharing things with you tonight that she’ll readily tell the bank teller tomorrow morning.  In fact, we are only more physically vulnerable at night, since being a creep is a bit more convenient under the cover of dark.  Which, sadly, is another reason in favour of daylight partying.

Me, walking to my car at night.

But more important than situational awareness, is food and drinks.  First of all, you’ve got more food and drink options, since all the shops are still open.  Then there’s the fact that there’s only one meal time after sunset (dinner), but there are no less than four socially acceptable opportunities to eat a good meal during the day (breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea).

Even better, you can eat basically anything without multi-day ramifications.  If you’re old enough to even consider having day-parties, you probably know that eating pizza while drunk at a night-party can give you heartburn.  Then follows the ordeal of coming home and unsuccessfully trying to sleep through it, sitting upright in bed, and leaving you unrested and grumpy all the next day.  BUT NOT IF BED TIME IS STILL HOURS AWAY WHEN YOU EAT.  In that case, you’ve got plenty of time to smash some Mylanta or Alka-Seltzer and settle your tum while having a boog on the dance floor.

The firework is a fart. The Moon is the Sun. But the pizza is still pizza.

And then there’s the matter of day-drinking which, if you play your cards right, is a brilliant way to sleep through your hangover.

I guess my point is, the idea that things have always been a certain way is not a good enough reason not to change them.  The fact is, we work hard so we deserve to play hard too.  But partying at night is making it too hard to play.  Kids have the right idea, so let’s take back the day from them…and bouncy castles while we’re at it.

More Stuff From PEDESTRIAN.TV