The world of wax figures is a frankly perplexing arena. Why does one choose to enter this disturbing profession? What on earth was going on in the mind of the elusive Madame Tussauds to create such a haunting niche?
We’ve gotta give it to them though – sometimes they really nail it. Take this one, for example, of Gwen Stefani:
I, personally, am impressed. There is a level of uncanniness here, no? But most of the time, this shit gets real weird – so cooked that I’m surprised the wax doesn’t just melt into a puddle of confusion and terror.
Today, a new Ryan Gosling statue was unveiled at the Berlin contingent of Madame Tussauds. The tap dancing, crooning Gosling is classic daydream fodder.
I am here to ruin that allure for you. Behold the Gosling of your worst nightmares:
First off, that is not Ryan Gosling. That is a meme version of James Van Der Beek with a hint of Matt Damon if he went through a face compressing machine.
The other thing I don’t understand is the level of inconsistency. As an incredibly famous actor, Gos already has a few wax figures under his belt. This is a 2014 incarnation at the Tussauds in London:
See, this one for me isn’t that creepy. I’d prefer him IRL, but at least this captures his schmoozy, sparkly essence, rather than have him appear like a deflated version of Ryan from ‘The OC‘.
Madame Tussauds, who are you and what do you want from us? At least Gosling’s most recent wax appearance is not quite as god awful as the Robert Pattinson attempt, where it kind of looks like him but in ‘Team America: World Police‘ form:
Photo: Getty / George Pimentel.