Like most of the world, I’ve been watching The Mandalorian with keen interest. And the Star Wars TV series, currently streaming on Disney+, has raised quite the moral dilemma for me: is it okay to be sexually attracted to the titular Mandalorian even thought he wears a mask and armour on screen at all times?
Before you say “is it because you know it’s Pedro Pascal under the mask”, it’s a problem that presented itself in the opening scenes of the show, before I even knew that it was Pedro Pascal under the goddamn mask. It’s not about Pedro Pascal at all (okay, maybe a bit). It’s about the Mandalorian, mask on, being so goddamn hot.
Sure, he’s a bounty hunter who in the very beginning of the show seems to be an unfeeling psychopath just concerned with his next job. Freud would have a field day with that kind of personality type seeming attractive to me, I’m sure. There’s just something hot about a capable badass who just gets shit done, I’m sure you will agree.
But for me, a red-blooded hormonal pregnant woman, it was the Mandalorian post-Baby Yoda that really blew my skirt up. The masked hero goes from being a cold metallic mercenary into a human man turned totally to mush by the cutest little guy you’ve ever seen in your life. No one is immune to the powers of Baby Yoda’s cuteness, not even a bloke who literally strides around covered head to toe in fancy steel for most of the day.
Since he has his own Sad Childhood Backstory, the Mandalorian is especially affected by the plight of Baby Yoda and cannot possibly leave him to die. From then on, the entire show has been about this capable badass basically giving up his entire job and reputation and putting his life on the line to protect the babby at all costs. Is it my 8 months pregnant hormones talking here, or is that insanely fucken hot?
Things took an even more sexual turn in the latest episode, which presented the Mandalorian with not one, but two beautiful women / potential love interests. Now, I could be wrong because I’m not one of those people well-versed in historical Star Wars canon, but it certainly seems to me that Mandalorians as a people seem to lead a life of celibacy. (At first I wondered how they procreated but then I remembered that the Mandalorian in the show was orphaned and taken in by them, so maybe this happens a lot?).
So when the sexy widow lady in the new episode was all like trying to get him to take his mask off and asking him to stay around on her planet, it was adding a whole layer of forbidden hotness to the situation. As my colleagues just pointed out, kind of like Fleabag’s Hot Priest, but with a new hat. Even the good looking warrior lady wanted him to take his mask off.
Personally, I’m torn. There’s something delicious about never being able to see him, even if logistically the mask and armour make any kind of intimacy difficult. No kissing, no touching, can he even release his bits from that armour? Is there a boner door? Does the codpiece detach? Folks, this is what I’m sitting here thinking about while I watch The Mandalorian with my long-time partner, while pretending to just be invested in the ~storyline~.
George Lucas, what have you done.