The Hills reboot series might be airing on TV right now, but while it’s great it has nothing on the OG series of our 00s teen lives.
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I think I’ve watched the Lauren Conrad-helmed series over five times in my lifetime, which is a lot of times. Possibly too many times, in fact.
While some moments (Heidi Montag leaving her shared apartment with Lauren, Heidi crying over her mum’s reaction to her surgery, SPEIDI‘S WEDDING) are etched in our memories forever, others you may have forgotten about.
I HAVEN’T. I’m like an elephant when it comes to The Hills, and I bring you the best trip down memory lane – forgotten drama.
1. Heidi Walking Out To Sia
So, in season 2 Speidi are juuuust starting out – remember all the drama around him semi dating Audrina AND Heidi? Wild stuff. Anyway, Heidi finds out about some lie or whatever, and dumps Spencer’s ass. Except she doesn’t.
She forgives him, and we get this INCREDIBLY dramatic scene scored by ‘Breathe Me’, a Sia classic (interestingly not playing in the series that’s streaming now BUT I REMEMBER). It doesn’t work as well without ‘Breathe Me’ in the background so I recommend muting the TV and playing the tune over the top.
2. Audrina Showing Up To Heidi’s Birthday
Before the Audrina/Heidi/Spencer shit blew up, Audrina had NFI what was going on or why Heidi went cold on her. It was basic drama but god did the show heighten it by (I imagine) forcing Audrina to go to Heidi’s 21st.
Audrina shows up, Heidi and Lauren are bitchy toward her, there’s a Spencer altercation and JEN BUNNEY (hypocrite) corners Audrina to be all “I’m protective of my friends, you’re such a random girl”. LOLOLOL fuck.
Audrina leaves in tears.
3. Jen Bunney Hooks Up With Brody
Ohhhh fuck this was such a good episode. So Heidi/Lauren are on the rocks. But they’re trying to keep their shit together. Meanwhile for some reason Heidi is being a c-bomb and pushing Jen Bunney onto Brody Jenner, Lauren’s sorta-ex.
There’s an amazing pre-party scene of the girls at dinner, with Lauren going on and on about Jen being her OLDEST FRIEND who she LOVES.
Then at Les Deux (of course, come on) Speidi manipulate the party people so Jen and Brody sit next to each other. Sparks fly, they leave together and in the morning Lauren finds out they hooked up.
This moment actually leads to the ICONIC “he’s a SUCKY person” quote from Lauren, btw.
4. Lauren Flies To NYC For 0.002 Seconds
Remember when Lauren flew all the way to NYC to deliver a dress to Lisa Love, her Teen Vogue boss? And she took this much shit with her?
But she was on ground for about an hour? So good.
5. Heidi Gets A Puppy For Christmas
WHERE IS THAT DOG. WHERE. IS. THAT. DOG.
6. Spencer Paints The Worst Fucking Mural Of All Time
Naturally, Heidi moving in with Spencer did not go smoothly. The guy has zero taste, but I’m sure the producers of The Hills put him up to this mural – no one is this insane except low-tier street artists.
7. Heidi Snakes Elodie’s Promotion
I mean, we all knew when Heidi’s work BFF Elodie started aggressively going on about “I’ve always wanted my own office” and “hopefully they promote from within” while staring daggers at Heidi, that our blondie mate would be gunning for the same promotion, didn’t we.
Heidi gets it, Elodie is pissed, and it’s all-round some brilliant pass-agg The Hills TV.
8. Elodie Gets Heidi Back For It
So Elodie is done with Heidi’s shit, and quits (but not after telling Heidi she “has no idea what’s right or wrong anymore, it’s so SAD”). In a final fuck you very much, she doesn’t show up to cover an event, leading to Speidi’s romantic dinner having to be cut short as Heidi runs down to do damage control.
9. The Ketchup Run-In
So Jason is back in the picture here after his rehab stint, and he goes out to dinner with Lauren as a catch-up. Speidi run into them at Ketchup, some restaurant that probably doesn’t exist anymore.
Speidi, being the c*nts that they are, send over a Shirley Temple (Jason is sober). Of course, Lauren and Jason refuse the drinks. It’s reality TV gold and peppered with Lauren being boring as shit and saying stuff like “if you’re my friend, you’ll just sit here and talk to me”. BORING! Go yell at Spencer, Jason!
10. That Band That Won’t Wear Jeans
So Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (who) are doing a Teen Vogue shoot and Lauren/Whitney show up with all these jeans for them to try on. They convince the girls to go out that night, and as a result the band is late to the shoot.
THEN one of the guys won’t wear the jeans Whitney selected, preferring his own. In the end the truth comes out to TERRIFYING Lisa Love, who gently reprimands (scarily) Whitney for partying with the band.
11. Lauren Finds Out Jason’s Engaged
After all that Jason-returning hoo-ha, Lauren finds out at Jason’s bday party that not only does he have a new girlfriend, he’s goddamn engaged to her.
Also the girlfriend looked suitably bitchy, as all new girlfriends of Lauren’s exes should look (more on that later).
12. Brody & Lauren Hook Up Again In Vegas
Brody and LC were the couple you dreamed of getting together, even though they had 0.0002% levels of chemistry. They finally did properly at Brody’s 24th bday in Vegas, and it was as underwhelming as you’d expect – even though my teen self died over it for some reason?
13. Who Started The Sex Tape Rumour
An entire episode of season 3 was devoted to Jen Bunney meeting with LC to tell her Heidi thinks Brody started the sex tape rumour, hilariously ending her statement with “I dunno, I don’t wanna get involved”.
Then Brody says it was Spencer and Heidi, but Heidi tells Jen Bunney it wasn’t Spencer. The episode ends with Spencer looking VERY suss. Wild times.
14. The Sass & Bide Ladies
This is just to lol at the fact Australia’s greatest fashion duo of the 00s made it onto The Hills. If you didn’t own the Sass & Bide Rats leggings, you didn’t exist.
15. LC & Lo Buy A Dog That Disappears
Where the FUCK have all these dogs gone? If you sent them to the pound so help me, I will come for you Taken style.
16. Spencer Drives To Vegas & Interrupts Heidi’s Meeting
True Spencer bullshit areas – him interrupting Heidi’s important business dinner in Vegas because he doesn’t want her moving to Vegas.
Say what you want about the guy, he was magnificent at generating drama in The Hills.
16. Heidi Gets Fired For Being Drunk On The Job
Heidi saying to her Big Boss “are you?” when he asked her “are we working still?” is ALL TIME and I totally forgot it happened. The incident leads to her being fired from Bolthouse. RIP. Well, RIP for like 2 episodes before she’s re-hired.
17. Speidi Go To Dinner With Heidi’s Christian Ex
Remember when Speidi went to dinner with Heidi’s Christian no-sex-before-marriage ex and his gf? And Spencer was the standard douche to them that he always is? MEMS.
18. Brody’s GF Jayde
OOF, Jayde was the best of the terrifying new girlfriends of exes of Lauren’s, wasn’t she? TBF, her beef was with Audrina not Lauren – after Audrina hooked up with Brody while they were split up briefly. She confronts him
THEN, later in the season when Brody and Kristen start rekindling their romance, Jayde runs into them at Les Deux and gets into a screaming match. Honestly, this totally forgettable side character was a big mood.
19. Kristin’s “Drug” Problem
The last season of The Hills was a bit bleh, but Kristin Cavallari obviously brought a bit of spice. One storyline was when ~the girls~ went to Miami and Kristin partied too hard. Rumours flew (allegedly) that she was ON THE DRUGS and Stephanie Pratt/Lo et al confronted her in a brilliant scene where Kristin mooches around in sunnies and oversized black clothing.
20. Kristin’s Fight With Allie
Towards the end of the final season, Brody and Kristin are hooking up casually when he starts dating McKaela. They fizzle, and then McKaela confronts Brody at ~the club~ while he’s out with Kristin. It goes badly, but it gets even worse when McKaela’s mate Allie starts yelling “some girls can’t handle other hot girls in LA” at Kristin and Stacie.
Naturally, Kristin starts going “come over here and say it to my face” and there’s a big delicious screaming match. Ah, The Hills. You always brought the drama.
