Oh thank fuck, we’re back to The Challenge Australia: Horny Edition. I was getting bored with all this talk of alliances and mud piglets, but in great news that famous hook up between Megan Marx and Konrad Bien-Stephen happened this episode and yes, it was as spicy as we all hoped it would be. First, let’s recap.

So we’re back at the house, and David’s left cucumbers on Emily and Cyrell’s beds. Was this a joke I missed? Probably lol I’m the worst recapper ahahaha. Anyway most concerningly, Emily sniffs hers.

emily seebohm
This was certainly A Choice, Emily

I don’t even want to unpack that. You know what I do want to unpack? The fucking HOT TUB SESH WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR. 

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
The cameras def won’t find us here in this neon blue area of blinding light

So we’ve had like, zero back story to this hook up on the show. Konrad and Megan were teammates for one round, have barely spoken since, and then BAM! End up in the hot tub at the stroke of midnight and start pashing. Was there lead up to this? Did they just end up in the hot tub together and couldn’t resist? I don’t even really care I just enjoyed being a pervy creep observing it.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
Did David also give you a cucumber and you stashed it in your boardies

Interestingly the show’s chosen to not mention the whole Abbie Chatfield split that we now know happened prior to the show filming – maybe they hadn’t decided if they’d tell the world yet when this was edited? So they make it more about Konrad’s previous relationship which lasted for 5 years. Megan tells us they’re both going through break ups and feel a bit shitty so why not fuck in a hot tub. WHY NOT INDEED.

I had to Google who Megan’s ex was – just some guy called Keith. Anyway sorry Keith and sorry Abbie (I mean I’m sure they’re fine, it’s been months) but this was like, seriously hot. I love a good friends-with-benefits fling after a break up, I 100 per cent back this. You know who else backs it? These pervy creeps:

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
Why is it ten times funnier coz they’re shirtless

The hook up has rustled some jimmies, though. Kiki’s in a tizz because she says everyone should be FOCUSING ON WINNING, while Brooke Jowett has completely given in to her evil Survivor doppelgänger and says she loves their hook up, because now they’re distracted from the game.

Moving along, Emily and Eggsy have bonded, I hope not over a mutual love for egg milkshakes.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
We can only form an alliance if you drink the shake

There’s an alliance forming between them, plus Johnny and Grant. Essentially Emily has replaced Jess in that group. 

Emily is teamed up with Troy which is probably the strongest pair in terms of athleticism, but as we now know that can mean jack-shit depending on whether this insane show is going to make you do math problems to get through a round.

A wild Brihony appears! They tell us the challenge is about strength, endurance and wine…. Barrels.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
Catch me head-first in one on the sidelines instead

Everyone lines up. Brihony sounds a horn and for no normal reason, a giant flame explodes at the same time.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
That $20,000 explosion could have gone toward non-toaster spy cameras tbh

Teams race down a track, grab 45kg wine barrels, and stack them to climb up a pole and let off a flare at the top. They have to do this three times and then get across the line.

Can we also just discuss how they keep making them wear long-sleeve tops and long pants while doing all this heavy lifting and sprinting. I hope they got a Rexona sponsorship is all I’m saying.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
The greatest challenge of all was overcoming our communal stench

As always, two people sprint like they’re Usain Bolt in the 2008 Olympics, not considering how much energy output it’ll take to lug giant barrels all the way back. Idiots. 

Everyone’s battling through but Cyrell looks like she’s about to actually be inhaled by the Earth. She tells us that she has no fitness skills besides being a good gossip with a cute butt. Same except replace cute butt with pancake ass. I’m honestly impressed she’s even still upright at this point because I’d be intentionally trying to burn my hand on the flare so I could get out of the whole thing.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
Absolutely NOT, can we go back to being mud piglets

Troy, the junior psychopath, tells us he’s very competitive and once built an obstacle course under his house. That alone is a batshit story, but then he adds that AFTER he completed it, he dismantled it so no one else could. I think he’s talking about when he was a kid but honestly, he may be talking about 2021.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
“so this was two months ago”

Troy and Emily win, Johnny and Cyrell lose. What’s nice is that Johnny is super lovely about it and not a dick even though Cyrell was basically flopping through the dirt to the finish like a sea cucumber (as I have said many times, extremely same). He praises her for never giving up and trying her best, he might be my new favourite now. 

The four of them go off to chat. Johnny and Cyrell want either Ciarran and Kiki, or Megan and Conor. Basically, everyone thinks the ‘Bachie alliance’ is too strong and some Bachelor people have gotta go.

Off to another sad party! It’s all very non-dramatic considering Megan and Konrad are hooking up right now. Where was the sneaky grinding in a toot stall? A little hanky panky over behind the industrial waste stacks in whatever warehouse they’re filming these parties in?

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
Wine barrels or radioactive waste

Back at the house the next day and Grant’s bitching with Eggsy about Conor, who has channelled the spirit of Kel Knight and is power walking around the lawn.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
Am I a crim for keeping myself trim

They talk about how sneaky he is – when did everyone wake up and realise Conor was a little weasel? I don’t remember this revelation but it’s clear Conor’s sociopath tricks aren’t very effective. Maybe they’ve seen the next clip in secret, because Conor tells us he’s talked himself out of two eliminations – once by being BFFs with Eggsy, once by pretending he had Jess’s back.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
I have to hand it to him, it’s pretty impressive

He goes to try and work his magic on Troy, but he isn’t having any of it. You can’t master manipulate the guy who made an elaborate obstacle course and then destroyed it so his friends couldn’t have fun!!!! Conor!! Please.

In the end, Troy and Emily pick Conor and Megan against Cyrell and Johnny, which means Conor will be out for blood if he makes it through. The challenge is basically to go into a pitch back room, feel a stack of puzzle pieces and memorise how they go together, then replicate it outside with new puzzle pieces. Don’t get it? Neither do I, neither do Cyrell and Johnny. In fact, everyone is looking at Brihony like this:

Homer Simpsons Monkey GIF - Homer Simpsons Monkey Solano ...

Megan and Conor seem the most confident, running in and groping the tower in the dark then stacking their pieces up quickly. But once they finish their stack, Conor realises he was counting the gaps between blocks – not the pieces. I have NFI what that means but it does mean they’re in a bad place.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
“how can I spin this so it’s Megan’s fault”

Meanwhile, Johnny tells us that he trusts Cyrell completely because she’s a puzzle queen. You can tell because she’s basically entered another dimension:

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
She’s nothing if not wildly dramatic

They seem like they have it nailed and then!!! It’s incorrect! It’s back to anyone’s game as they also unstack and start over. It’s tense for a bit but in the end, Megan and Conor win the game and go through. Johnny is FILTHY.

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
Me when I realise my boyfriend’s eaten all the chocolate and not replaced it

He’s even filthier when he finds out that they only had one piece wrong at the top!! He’d thrown the whole tower onto the floor in a tanty, when he could’ve just fixed the top bit. Fuckkkkk that has to hurt.

Anyway Cyrell makes this farewell speech and you guys, I did not think I would get emotional because “I’m doing it for my son” as a reason she deserved the win over anyone else was not for me, but then she explains that she wanted to challenge herself and for her son to grow up and see his mum getting out of her comfort zone and achieving stuff she didn’t think she could do and I STARTED FUCKING CRYING A BIT. 

The Challenge Recap: Oh My God It’s Finally Time For Megan & Konrad In The Hot Tub
YOU GOT ME GOOD CYRELL

Goddamn you Cyrell, you sweet baby angel.

As always, the Boop Beep machine spits out new partners. No exciting news here except that Brooke B is stoked to be partnered with Grant because she feels Emily won’t boot him bc of their alliance, while Britt’s stressed because she’s with Sociopath Conor, who everyone wants to throw into a giant pit of bees at this point.

Until next time:

  • Faves: Cyrell (RIP) but also I’m partial to Marley at this point. Normal, low key, seems nice? I’ll also add the Konrad/Megan hook up as a fave, let’s hope it keeps going.
  • Villains: Um, clearly Conor but my money’s on Troy and Megan upping the manipulation tactics soon.
  • Are they even in the show: I swear Sugar’s spoken two sentences on screen this entire time.

Melissa Mason is a freelance writer, you can find her on Insta and TikTok.