‘The Canyons’ Trailer: Meta Lindsay Lohan Is Tired Of Movies, Life As Lindsay Lohan

The only lines accorded to the discarded husk from America’s buttery corn cob, Lindsay Lohan, in the first full trailer for The Canyons are perhaps the only two lines you need to know to when making a decision about whether or not you’re going to give two hours of your life to another L.A. neo-noir Bret Easton Ellis vanity project.

  1. “Do you really like movies? Really, really like movies? When’s the last time you went to see a movie in theatre? I dunno, I guess, maybe it’s just not my thing anymore.” And: 
  2. “I guess I’d like to just keep some parts of my life private.”
The Canyons, a partially crowd-funded camp feast from writer Bret Easton Ellis (American PsychoLess Than Zero, Twitter), director Paul Schrader (the screenwriter of Taxi Driver and Raging Bull) and also starring adult method actor James Deen (Porn), looks like a vehicle for Lindsay at her most meta since Life Size. I’d call it self-awareness but, you know, Lindsay Lohan
Deen and LiLo play sexy L.A. lovers Christian and Tara, the former a financier on a schlocky horror film [which turns out to be The Canyons itself – see, meta!], while the latter rekindles a romance with its male lead. Mind games, threesomes and barely-concealed rage ensue, leading ultimately to a bloody, sexy murder. 
Perhaps the only other thing you need to know is that Gus Van Sant has a cameo as psychiatrist. From the looks of things you’ll be able to watch The Canyons either in a theatre (if that’s still your thing) come August 2nd, or the privacy of wherever you usually watch all your other horror porn.