This Sunday night, the well-oiled machine that is The Block returns for its 12th season, throwing ten everyday Aussies into a former soap factory in Port Melbourne, putting sledgehammers in their hands and having them transform it into five incredibly overpriced apartments.
The Block is pretty good when it comes to styling and home renovation tips, but let’s not kid ourselves, the real reason to watch it is to see the couples put in a super high-stress environment and watch as their relationships are pushed to breaking point and beyond.
Before we settle in for another year of frayed tempers, screaming fights with Foreman Keith, building code violations, improperly-laid screeds and emotional breakdowns at Freedom Furniture, let’s meet the contestants who are taking part in The Block 2016:
Victorian lads Andy and Ben are best mates who met at a training course for a diploma of sport, then they went to uni to study education together, they went to all the same lectures and tutorials, did their prac together, went on camp together, then landed jobs together at the same school. They have no renovation experience but they reckon that they’re fast learners, and are looking to make enough prize money for first home deposits (aww).
Fun fact: Andy and Ben describe themselves as ‘heterosexual soulmates’.
Translation: They coulda had a real good life together, had them a place of their own, but now all they got is Blockback Mountain.
WA’s Dan and Carleen are the oldest couple ever to take on The Block, so you know that’s only going to come up every two minutes or so on the show. Their motto is “renovate to educate your children and make them better people”, whatever that means. They’ve been renovating houses since before most of the competition were born, and are confident this will give them the edge.
Fun fact: Dan and Carleen have been together for 32 years, and this is their ninth renovation project.
Translation: Fuck yeah, cunts, negative gearing!
If they win, Chris and Kim will be the third couple from Newcastle to do so, after Dean and Shay (2015) and Brad and Lara (2012). They say their biggest traits are competitiveness and ambition. “We are super-competitive in everything we do, even against each other,” Kim said. “If we’re making the bed or unpacking the dishwasher, who can do it faster, who can do it better.”
Fun fact: Chris describes Kim as the boss, and his philosophy is “happy wife, happy life.”
Translation: They won’t be speaking by bathroom week.
Julia and Sasha are a couple from Melbourne, who have been together for four years. They describe themselves as a switched-on, strategic and dynamic, as well as several other words that they probably copied off a Powerpoint presentation. Julia’s day job is styling properties for auction, so she’s clearly in this to win it.
Fun fact: Their signature style is “Hollywood Regency/Palm Springs” blend.
Translation: No idea.
Brisbane couple Will and Karlie are engaged high school sweethearts who have been together for nine years and are very much in love. She’s handy on the tools, he’s an electrician, and they say they’re not afraid to confront anybody who gets in their way. Will and Karlie might as well have a neon sign hanging above their heads saying ‘WINNERS OF THE BLOCK 2016’.
Fun fact: Will can’t wait to walk Karlie down the aisle. “I know I’m going to burst into tears when I see her on our wedding day,” he says.
Translation: Strap in, there’s going to be another Block wedding episode this year.
The Block returns at 7 o’BLOCK Sunday night on Nine, with the first room reveal at 7.30 Monday.
Source: Nine Now.
Images: Nine Now.
