This season of The Bachelors has been nothing but batshit yet somehow, the producers continue to find new ways to confuse the fuck out of the internet (and me). It’s the saddest, most futile gift known to man.
Case in point, the way by which the Bachelors — Anko MGK, Sir Horndog and Lover of the Hemp Milk Latte — asked the women on a group date.
Basically, the fellas were sitting around their Bach Pad talking about the fair damsels who are trapped in some sort of cheugy Gold Coast penthouse fortress across the road. Anko MGK had the sudden realisation that they should HANG OUT with the women they’re dating AT DINNER, and Sir Horndog and LOTHML were both like, “That is so smart! Wow! How do you come up with these things?”
It was horrific and embarrassing and the internet was gobsmacked at how staged it was. The producers have clearly given up on any semblance of subtlety.
— dr mimi petrakis 🦇 (@MimiPetrakis) January 23, 2023
this is the most staged shit they’ve done all season. it’s not even close.
also I hate the telescope, what a cursed idea. #TheBachelorsAU
— Jodi McAlister (@JodiMcA) January 23, 2023
The boys are always slaving away preparing for the dates #TheBachelorsAU
— Apolo (@PK_APOSTOLI) January 23, 2023
But then the scene got WORSE because the boys “decided” that the “only possible way” to invite the women to dinner was by making signs with letters scrawled on them in texta and sticking them to the window.
What did the letters spell out, you ask? Why, none other than “DINNER”. I do not wish to be dramatic but if any man ever asks me out via fugly texta scribbles I will walk into a convent and never leave.
Someone on Twitter said it was giving “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift and I screamed.
The boys doing a Taylor Swift pic.twitter.com/52JBm0RQDQ
— ͲᏔᎬᎬͲՏ ᏴᎽ ᎷᎬ💫 (@tweetsbygillian) January 23, 2023
Obviously, the contestants received the window poster dinner invitation because they were looking through a telescope (which for some reason is an important feature at the mansion) because how else would they know they were being asked to dinner?? How, I ask??? The internet was simply bamboozled.
wow they just HAPPENED to be looking through the telescope!!!!! crazy coinky dinky #TheBachelorsAU
— emma cooper εїз (@emmaangelx) January 23, 2023
that was worse than a hallmark movie #thebachelorsau
— taryn | inej ghafa worshipper (@thereafter) January 23, 2023
Everyone LOATHED the telescope. They despised it. As far as the internet was concerned, the telescope could burn in hell along with George Pell.
I demand the resignation of whatever producer came up with the telescope dinner invite #TheBachelorsAU
— damngirlfriend (@damngirlfriends) January 23, 2023
Did they do this whole utterly cursed telescope thing just for this stunt? Ugh #TheBachelorsAU
— Sass (@supergirl_sass) January 23, 2023
— Emily Tammes (@EmilyTammes) January 23, 2023
Osher with a date card > bits of paper and a telescope #TheBachelorsAU
— Michelle 🐿💨 (@MichelleMackey1) January 23, 2023
The whole scene felt like something I would force my Sims to do because I wanted to embarrass them. In a way, the producers are me (raging God complex, overwhelming desire for people to douse their faces in egg) and every single person on The Bachelors is a bizarre little person doing things for the enjoyment of others. I actually don’t think I’d bat an eyelid if Oshie started a rose ceremony by speaking in Simlish.
Anyway! Only three episodes of The Sims: The Bachelors expansion pack left! If you want to catch up on all the fuckery that went down tonight, you can read our recap here.