Our first look at the weird, sister-version of The Bachelorette is here and I already have some THOUGHTS on these men. So sit down, grab yourself a morning glass of savvy b (or a coffee) and join me on this journey of ranking The Bachelorette contestants on who is most likely to end up on Bachie In Paradise.
— #BacheloretteAU (@BacheloretteAU) September 14, 2020
Considering how boring Locky Gilbert’s season of The Bachelor has been, our only hope for some actual entertainment this year is the Elly and Becky Miles Bachelorette combo. So, it’s time to get to know the men we’ll be obsessed with later this year.
At this stage, we don’t know any names or details about our Bachie men, and we’ve only seen close-ups of a few of them so far, but if you thought that was going to stop me from ranking them, you are *sorely* mistaken.
7. The Wannabe Timm Hanly
I’m sorry, but my fuckboy radar is absolutely off the charts with this guy. I can see it now: he starts off as the sweet, goofy guy that we’re all rooting for. He’ll either leave at a similar time to when Elly got the boot from Matt Agnew, or he’ll be the runner-up who shows his true colours in Paradise and makes us all regret rooting for him.
Sign the paperwork now because this man is the most-likely to end up in Paradise.
6. The Obnoxious Costume Guy
I’m sorry but I fucking *hate* the costume person in every season. For girls, I feel like it’s a cringey way to seem ~not like the other girls~, but for men it just SCREAAAAAMS attention-seeking. But hoo boy, dressing up as sexy cupid with a pair of Kendall Jenner Victoria’s Secret wings is just next level.
If you need to make this much of an entrance, you’re probably a really bland human. This guy either ends up in Paradise, or gets evicted in episode three and drops off the face of the Earth.
5. The Stylishly-Obnoxious Suit Guy:
Okay, I love this. The suit is a total vibe and it screams ‘I care about my style but I’m not *too* obnoxious.’ This gives me serious Ciarran Stott vibes before Paradise, so I’m expecting this guy to get his dick out for a life-drawing class in the second episode.
This guy straight-up thought Elly and Becky were trying to find a partner for a weird incest threesome, which makes me love him even more. I’m rooting for this man so hard but ultimately, I think he’ll get the boot at around the top five mark and will show up in Paradise a few years later.
4. Man-Bun Guy
I’m *so* on the fence about this guy, I actually had him picked as a front-runner but I reckon he’ll be too caught up in banter with the other guys that he’ll end up getting the boot pretty early. Idk if he’ll end up in Paradise but he’s definitely gonna get a share house with some of the other guys and start a protein powder company or something. I get some real bros before hoes energy from him.
3. The Seat-Filler:
This guy is a seat-filler if I’ve ever seen one. He either gets the boot in episode 2, or he sticks around and entertains Becky until the top 5, then gets the boot because he’s boring as bat-shit. If he makes it past episode one, this is the guy we’ll be calling boring for half the season. You’re probably a nice guy but I simply don’t care for this. Sorry.
He’s definitely not going to Paradise, he’ll probably be the guy who posts three Instagram photos per year and goes back to being an accountant or whatever boring job he has.
1. & 2. The Winner & The Villain:
If my Bachie knowledge has taught me anything, it’s that the producers are sneaky little devils who plant things in every teaser, which is why I think the teaser reveals one of the winners AND the villain. But fuck, I cannot work out who is who.
I reckon one of these men wins Elly’s heart, and the other turns into a Demon Mayor of Noosa-level fuckboy.
Neither will end up in Paradise next year, but if the relationship doesn’t work out, I reckon they’ll be a Paradise stale pick in like 2025.
The Bachelorette is coming soon to Channel 10 and 10 Play.