Tonight, on The Bachelor Australia: It’s clearly Holly and Jimmy‘s world, and we’re just living in it. Let us begin.

Okily dokily, we’re down to the final three and ol’ mate James is feeling TORN. Look at him considering his options while he stares into the gorgeous horizon.

The Bachelor Australia.
STUNNING, BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY.

Jimmy can only choose two of his girlfriends to meet the remaining members of his family (his dad) who he didn’t invite to the mansion, so Jimmy has organised three single dates to help him decide. Wait no, he’s organised for his girlfriends to organise the dates. Gotttttchhha.

So first up is Holly and Jimmy’s a wee bit nervous, ‘cos usually he’s the one in the driver’s seat (PILOT PUN). But he has nothing to worry about because we all know Holly is the one and they’re going to have a wonderful life together has set up a delightful date that will make Jimmy’s final decision even harder!! Who will he pick!?

Oh look, the (relation)ship is sailing.

Hello, darrrrrling.

I haven’t typed anything for a minute, so, uh, woOOOoW, they’re cooking together! The date’s going so well. Who could’ve thunk it?

The Bachelor Australia.
Winner, winner, fishy dinner.

As Holly said, it feels really easy to imagine a life with Jimmy after this ~ journey ~ comes to an end. She has struggled with being vulnerable, though, especially after the breakdown of her own family. But she wants to change that, so towards the end of the date, Holly tells Jimmy that he’s the last thing she thinks about when she goes to bed and the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up.

Jimmy’s just sitting there ‘cos he’s not allowed to say anything.

*smiles in I love u, too, bb girl* 

OOP, Holly just said she’s fallen in love with Jimmy – “for sure”. And now they’re k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

Later on, Jimmy tells us he’s surprised Holly dropped the L-word because he knows how hard it is for her to talk about this stuff. So he’s super appreciative and recognises that this is MASSIVE.

I’m really trying to add some flair to this portion of the recap, but I can’t because – once again – his date with Holly was perfect.

So, NEXT.

OH BOY, IT’S JAY‘S TURN. HERE WE – HERE WE – HERE WE BLOODY GO.

Jay has no idea her mate told Jimmy during hometowns that she a) may have a certain thing for men in the spotlight and b) wants to be a presenter, so Jay’s all like, ‘Our connection has deepened and I do really like him.’

MEANWHILE, Jimmy’s still sus. Time and time again, Jimmy says he’s had to clear up a couple of rumours about Jay. There was the baby rumour and then the runner-up-does-better rumour, which Jay initially laughed off and absolutely denied. And then, well, y’know,

So on today’s date, Jimmy’s super keen to get to the bottom of the whole drama-llama. Especially because it’s one thing to hear a rumour, but for Jay’s own friend to be like, ‘Heyyyy, just FYI…’ 

It’s certainly a… RED FLAG.

Kayaking in the Sydney Harbour’s a bloody cool date idea, though.

The Bachelor Australia.
Learn more at Visit NSW dot COM dot AU.

It’s a nice date, but Jimmy’s distracted. He realllllly wants to clear the air, SO CLEAR THE FOOKEN AIR JIMMY, C’MON.

For the second half of the date, Jay has planned an intimate concert starring the Sydney Symphony Orchestra.

General reminder to support the arts when we’re out of this mess!!!

This bit was genuinely lovely – god, I miss live music of any kind.

ANYWHO, Jimmy gets straight into it. He warms Jay up by asking if she enjoyed hometowns and is like, “Good, good, I’m glad – SO, YOUR FRIEND ROCHELLE SAID YOU DATED SOMEONE FAMOUS IN THE PAST????????”

Jay’s like:

The Bachelor Australia.
‘Oh, Rochelle, you little shit.’ – Jay, probably.

Jay laughs uncomfortably in the way one would when they’re like, “Ahahahahaahahahaha (fuUUuuUUukkK)”.

And then she tells Jimmy that she has no idea why Rochelle would tell him about her ex.

Jimmy is all of us when he tells the camera, “Who is this famous person and what even happened?” So, begrudgingly, Jay decides to tell Jimmy because “it is a thing”.

“They have The Bachelor in New Zealand, he’s the Bachelor New Zealand,” Jay says, laughing.

Somewhere, Tahnee is cackling at her telly.

Jimmy is, uh, not amused.

Does it look like I’m laughing, Jay?

Jay feels that the vibe between them just nosedived into the depths of despair, so she tells Jimmy that she doesn’t just date Bachelors. She dated the New Zealand Bachelor before he was The Bachelor. I think that’s what she said, anyway. So Jimmy’s like, ‘Ah, so just a massive coincidoink then…’

Jay one hundo says it’s just a wild coincidence and kills the topic there, then thanks Jimmy for believing and trusting her, because she says she is here for the right reasons.

BRB, googling who the Kiwi Bachelors are. There’s only been four seasons, so surely we can narrow this down? There’s a 1/4 chance here.

Jay doesn’t tell Jimmy that she loves him, but she does say that she really, really, really likes the guy.

Make of that what you will, friends.

NEXT.

It’s – DOG, DOG, DOG, DOG, AHHHHHHHHH.

The Bachelor Australia.
LOOK AT THAT WIDDLE FACE.

Okay, so Brooke has brought Jimmy to the Guide Dogs’ headquarters to show him a little bit of what she does as an occupational therapist. Obviously, she isn’t going to bring Jimmy to an appointment with an actual person, because that would be invasive and bloody weird, so they’ll be working* with animals instead.

*patting

I’m so distracted by the puppy. I haven’t hugged a dog in so long.

EHEHEHEHEHEHE.

So Brooke and Jimmy give the puppy a bath while discussing if they wanna have kids. Brooke never got to have this talk with Jimmy when she was away from the mansion, so she’s basically playing catch-up.

Just pretend this is a picture of Brooke and Jimmy.

The Bachelor Australia.
LOOK AT THOSE PAWS.

Alrighty, so Brooke wants to show Jimmy her “sexy” side, which includes sitting by the pool and talking about their feelings. Sexy, indeed.

‘Have you moved to Melbourne yet?’ – Brooke, absolutely.

So then Jimmy really sets the mood by bringing up his convo with Brooke’s brother, Kristen, who made it pretty clear that Brooke would struggle with long-distance dating and Jimmy’s roster.

Brooke’s like:

The Bachelor Australia.
krrrrrrISSSTEN.

And then Brooke starts crying because she can’t believe her brother would tell the truth like that. So that kind of ruins the mood. And now Brooke is worried about where she stands with Jimmy. If only we could’ve seen this one coming!

Brooke does tell Jimmy that she would find their relationship on the outside really hard, because her love language is quality of time and closeness. But Jimmy tells her that when he’s home, he’s home. He’s present, he’s not gonna be out with da boyz all the time, and I thinkkkkk… that makes Brooke feel a bit better.

SO THEN, Brooke tells Jimmy that she’s falling for him and “fuck logistics” at this point. She wants to work on their connection and they can deal with bullshit (real life) later. Jimmy smiles.

Annnnnnnd, she’s back in the game. I think. Maybe.

Oop, okay – she’s whispering to him in the pool. This is VERY INTIMATE, I feel like such a third-wheel, right now. My god. Is it over yet? I’m just gonna keep typing until – now, he’s whispering. Hate to be the camera crew right now, ‘cos Brookie and Jimmy are having a reaaaaaaal moment.

Oh, thank god, the ad’s here. Christ on a bike, that was intense.

Aight, it’s ROSE CEREMONY TIME and everyone looks beaaaaautiful.

I think it’s very obvious who’s going home, but I’ve been WRONG before, re: CARLIE.

Blah-blah-blah Osher‘s whispering at them in that husky voice he does – OKAY, the first rose goes to Brooke. Dot, dot, dot – look, I think this makes sense after that single date they just had. So I shan’t judge.

And the second rose goes to… Holly, of course.

I don’t know, is there any point in watching the finale now? What do youse think? ‘Cos I reckon it’s pretty clear Holly’s gonna be the one. Oh god, Jimmy’s going to break the Disney Princess’ heart. I don’t wanna watch Brooke cry, that’s gonna SUCK.

The Bachelor Australia finale airs 7.30pm, Thursday on Channel 10.

Image: Network 10