On tonight’s recap of The Bachelor Australia: IT’S HOMETOWNS, BABY!!!

ALRIGHTY-ROO, Jimmy’s slow-mo running on a beach, blah-blah-blah, he wants to make a fab first impression on the families he’s about to meet.

The Bachelor Australia
‘Guuuuuys, did you get the shot? It’s bloody cold.’

Interestingly, Jimmy tells us he’s feeling torn as to who will be the one standing at the end with him. You have Holly – I’m not a cunt – KingstonBrooke – I’m emotionally dependent and not moving to Sydney – ClealJay – STOP MAKING UP RUMOURS ABOUT ME – Lal, and Carlie – literally nothing wrong with me – Hodges.

Up first is Carlie, who hails from Victoria’s Mornington Peninsula. I bloody love Mornington, it’s so serene there.

So Jimmy’s meeting Carlie’s mum and dad, plus her brother and his wife. Carlie tells Jimmy that her dad’s a burly bloke who used to be an AFL player, but the one Jimmy should really look out for is her protective and very sceptical-of-the-Bachelor brother.

Carlie’s parents are absolute darlings. They’re so nice and welcoming, I cry. And then Carlie’s brother Ryan gets there and he looks like a FOOKEN COP.

RUN JIMMY, RUN.

Is he a cop? He’s a cop, isn’t he. This entire family is just Blue Bloods, where there’s a lawyer sister and cop brother. Oh my god, I’m sweating.

Carlie’s dad says he’s not as soft as his daughter thinks he is, but he bloody well is compared to his SON. Ryan hasn’t even said a word at this point, he’s just staring at Jimmy with his cop eyes – wouldn’t this be funny if he’s a florist? – and Jimmy’s just crapping his dacks. Poor guy.

Okay, Ryan’s a cop. He has to be. He’s literally just SITTING THERE AND ANALYSING JIMMY. So then Jimmy fucks up and describes Carlie as “predictable” and uh – that came out… wrong.

It’s been like three minutes and Ryan’s face has not changed.

The Bachelor Australia
BRO.

If that wasn’t uncomfortable enough to watch, Ryan and his wife pull Jimmy aside for a chat. We finally hear Ryan speak… and he gets straight into it. Long story, short: the trio discuss how there’s more to Carlie than being the “calm and stable” one in the mansion. It’s actually a good chat and Ryan’s really glad to see his sister so happy.

Ryan describes Jimmy as a “very nice young man.” He’s a cop, he’s absolutely a cop.

Anyway, this hometown ends with Carlie telling Jimmy she can see herself falling in love with him. And then they kiss.

NEXT.

We’re back in Sydney for Jay’s hometown visit. Jimmy reminds us that he’s given Jay the benefit of the doubt, following that whole rumour saga. But he’s still a wee bit sus.

Jay tells Jimmy he’s meeting her dad – who has travelled from New Zealand just for this – and a few of her best mates, including one who has also flown over from NZ. Pressure’s AWN.

Jay’s dad made prawn curry and now I’m bloody hungry, god.

Anyway, Jay’s mates don’t waste any time and immediately start grilling Jimmy. So the prawn curry’s just sitting there, uneaten, after Jay’s dad woke up at 6am to make it. Unbelievable.

What an absolute spread and a half.

Okay, so one of Jay’s mates is a little concerned because Jay falls hard and often for the wrong type of guy. She used to date someone who was in the public eye – WHOMST – and that ended badly, leaving Jay really crushed.

Now Jimmy’s concerned because Jay hasn’t said anything about this to him and now he’s thinking about that rumour that Jay’s only in it for the fame.

It probably doesn’t help that her friend Rochelle‘s like, “Is this just the type of guy that she’s going for?” As in, Jay likes famous guys??????

Eek.

The Bachelor Australia
‘Not this shit again.’ 

So now Jimmy’s thinking that if this keeps coming up then surely there has to be some truth to it. He also makes it extremely clear that he’s not into the fame because how would a gazillion followers on Instagram help him fly a plane, ya know?

FUCKKKKKK, did – did Rochelle just say she thinks Jay wants to be a PRESENTER? Did Jay’s own friend just straight-up confirm that entire rumour? HWAT!? Red flag, much!

HERE’S A FUN FACT, JIMMY! 

Well. That’s not good, that’s not good at all.

Afterwards, Jimmy wants to confront Jay but it’s hard because she’s all like, “I can really see myself falling in love with you!!!!”

So then Jimmy just walks away (????) and hopes that if Jay did come on the show for fame, hopefully she likes him too. I just – Jimmy, mate. My dude. Bruh. C’mon.

NEXT.

It’s Holly’s turn! Jimmy’s meeting Holly’s mum, her super scary bestie Sam, and Sam’s parents.

Woof, Sam gets into it quick. She’s suss on forming such a strong connection in a short amount of time, so she takes Jimmy aside to really just stick some pins into him. But it goes well, Jimmy’s super honest with her about his work and what kind of partner and parent he wants to be, so Sam’s happy!

I literally have no screenshots to offer here, because Holly’s hometown went so well. Oh, she’s so the one – WAIT.

Oh, oh no – Holly’s crying outside her door ‘cos she’s seriously afraid of getting hurt. Poor Holly, far out. She runs after Jimmy and gives him one last kiss and hug.

Aight, that’s it.

NEXT.

It’s time for the one we’ve (me) all been waiting for: BROOKE.

Conversation between the pair immediately focuses on the last cocktail party, when Brooke brought up Jimmy’s roster… the one he can’t exactly change… because he’s a pilot. But Brooke says she wanted to bring it up before hometowns, so she can prepare for those questions from her family too.

Jimmy’s meeting Brooke’s mum, dad, older sister, and her brother Kristen. Brooke warns Jimmy that he should look out for her brother – typical “protective older brother” vibes.

I’m ready for this chaos, I’M READY.

From the get-go, Brooke’s hometown does not disappoint.

The Bachelor Australia
Haha, I’m in danger.

Brooke’s mum and sister pull her aside for a debrief about her return to the mansion and that’s when Brooke says she’s falling for Jimmy. And then she starts crying because this whole experience is making her insecure and that’s not who she is.

So Brooke asks her mum and sister to grill Jimmy on how he feels about her, which is exactly what happens at the dinner table… plus more.

Jimmy says that it’s super important that he’s in a relationship with someone who’s independent, and Mum’s just like:

Has he met Brooke?

AND THEN, Brooke’s sister says she tends to live in a fantasy land where animals sings, rainbows explode from volcanoes, and the term long-distance doesn’t exist.

Kristen takes Jimmy outside for a chat and just makes it very clear that Brooke is super close to her family, her friends – her life is in MELBOURNE.

Jimmy’s not stressed about that part, though. He’s worried about the whole INDEPENDENT thing. He flips the switch and asks Kristen how she’d go with Jimmy being away for days at a time. Kristen tells Jimmy that Brooke would struggle with that – a lot of people would, but Brooke definitely would.

That’s another (huge) red flag for Jimmy, right? We’ve been talking about this issue for TWO episodes now. C’MON.

The Bachelor Australia
Sooo, Holly and Carlie it is.

At the end of her hometown visit, Brooke tells Jimmy that she’s falling for him… but Jimmy is a little off. He says that sad line about knowing that Brooke could make him happy, but he doesn’t know if he could make her happy. And then he walks out of frame.

🙁

Oh shit, straight to the rose ceremony!

Okay, alright – four women, three roses.

First rose goes to Holly – makes sense. Second rose goes to Car – BROOKE? WHAT THE HELL. Jimmy, what are you – oh my god.

Okay, it’s down to Carlie and Jay. Surely, it’s going to be Car – WHAT THE FUCK, JIMMY.

WAS SHE TOO PERFECT? WAS THAT IT?

The Bachelor Australia
UGH.

Carlie’s so nice about being dumped on national telly. She tells Jimmy this is his love story and that there are no hard feelings. UGH. I can’t wait to tell her I love her in our exit interview tomorrow.

YOU MADE CARLIE CRY, JIMMY – YOU PELICAN.

CARLIEEEE :((((

Well, that’s it. Holly’s the one. 

Oh my god, next week’s promo – the famous person Jay dated was apparently The New Zealand Bachelor!? YOU’RE JOKING.

The Bachelor Australia airs 7.30pm, Wednesdays and Thursdays on Channel 10.