The 2013 Emmys Red Carpet: Winners And Losers

The 2013 Emmy Awards have officially wrapped and the winners and losers are doing body shots off Jane Krakowski somewhere at a Vanity Fair after party. Picture that scenario as you browse through the Red Carpet Winners and Losers from the night…

Apart from the over-the-shoulder holster straps that pull your vision directly to Aubrey Plaza‘s boobs, this gauzy lace Marios Schwab dress is a cool modern take on red carpet goth – an appropriate sartorial choice to match her cold black heart.

Linda Cardinelli looks terrific. See how the ripples in her cascading locks flow on from the layers of that perfectly fitted Donna Karan Atelier dress? It’s a technique used in fashion styling known as “Zion’s Waterfall”. Only kidding. Well played, Lindsay Weir.

It’s awesome to see a painterly Impressionist print on the red carpet. It’s not so awesome to see boobs that appear to be wearing an eye mask. Wake up Zosia Mamet’s Boobs, this is the Emmy Awards not the Sunset Tan sun bed.

Since Breaking Bad wrapped it looks like Anna Gunn has been putting all her energy into looking like the cast of Desperate Housewives: Beverly Hills.

Beautiful actress Vera Farmiga is losing the battle to this dire Theyskens’ Theory situation.

The back is kind of fabulous though.

I love this J. Mendel Spring 2014 look on Kate Mara, who makes the doilies and mesh look of the top half feel fresh and modern with her slicked hair and liberal dose of leg. The whole look works so well, even those highly questionable shoes.

Sofia Vergara has a body that makes people question their belief in a higher power, their sexual preferences and the law of gravity. She is therefore obligated to consistently show up in figure-hugging fishtail silhouettes like this red lace thing and make Ryan Seacrest say gross commentary like “fiery Latin” and “va va va voom!!”

Shouldn’t Damian Lewis‘s shaved head come with some kind of Homeland-related spoiler alert because cancer? Kidnapped and shaved by terrorist cell? Carrie’s gotten so intense it’s causing premature hair loss? He wears an impeccable Tom Ford suit and his wife, actress Helen McCrory, is elegant in cream J. Mendel.

Look you guys. It’s Jon Hamm looking stupidly handsome in shiny Prada spats and a salt and pepper beard. He has brought as his date *squints eyes into horizontal slits* his girlfriend, Me.

I’m sure this strapless Givenchy Resort 2014 look worn by January Jones is pretty in real life but it also looks like the inner layer of curtains at an old lady’s apartment.

Kerry Washington is all over Best Dressed lists from the past couple of years and you can see why. She wears even the busiest and most difficult-to-pull-off looks with effortless composure, even this empire line Marchesa gown loaded with floral applique and tulle. Put this on almost anyone else and they’d look like an over excited bride who needs to chill the fuck out on the Midsummer Night’s Dream fantasies. Not so, Kerry Washington, who is heavenly, serene, etc.

Rose Byrne looks great in ’90s-style custom Calvin Klein; knows it.

Did this dress get faded by the Albuquerque sun? Either way, it’s not nearly as good as the two-handed hospital wristy she gave Hank in Season Three.

Black velvet Christian Siriano is a nice choice for Christina Hendricks. The curly bob, however, is a terrible choice for anybody.

Breaking Bad is ending but may this red carpet tom foolery never stop.

Claire Danes wears an Armani Prive dress with a skirt constructed the most showgirl combination of fabrics imaginable: lace, tulle, paillettes and mesh. So the fact she looks this chic is a miracle.

Tina Fey opts for classic glamour, choosing this blue gown by her regular go-to designer for red carpet Narciso Rodriguez and smooth waves.

Zooey Deschanel looks really sad. I think we know why:

Jessica Pare‘s turquoise Oscar de la Renta gown is a nice choice for a tall lady like her, even though the top of the bodice resembles a poorly wrapped gift. The shoes – also by Oscar de la Renta – are the best part of this look.

Amy Poehler is a wonderful genius in a below average dress.

Elisabeth Moss puts in all the necessary ingredients to make a fairly simple black and white sequin-covered Andrew Gn dress look ten types of chic with a blonde flick of hair, red accents on lips and manicured nails, and simple black accessories.

Lena Headey
AKA Game Of Thrones‘ Cersei Lannister is naturally beautiful but black fabric rendered to look like python skin, visible control briefs and white pumps aren’t a good look.

Alison Williams always looks super fresh and smiley and pretty on the red carpet even when she’s in a boring Ralph Lauren gown with Lauren Conrad hair.

Downton Abbey actress Michelle Dockery looks elegant (if a bit too safe) in jewel coloured halterneck Prada top and skirt. Those terrific sandals are also by Prada.

You know nothing, Jon Snow (except how to look super hot in a waistcoat).

All photos via Getty Images.