The 14 Best Takes From Punters Tuned In To Tonight’s ‘Bachelor’ Cringe-Fest

Because we are currently being held in the cruel grip of winter, and the only thing that could possibly warm our ice-cold hearts is seeing one man choose the love of his life from 22 women on national television, our eyes are glued to ‘The Bachelor‘. 
Also because Matty J looks like this:
Photo: Instagram.

We, the nation, are certainly not alone in our thirst, or our compulsion to watch and dissect every second of this season’s series of water-based activities and unhindered bitching. We’ve got the glittery Twitterverse to take us through.
It really is so much bitching. 

Which started when Elora won the first single date of the season, and it was – big surprise here – on a boat.

One thing we are certainly not here for is Matty J actually getting to know the women by, yuck, talking.
But let’s be totally real about what the actual aim of this show is: 

Osher appearing suddenly with fuck-off huge cards raised valid questions: 
During the ’80s-themed photoshoot, Leah went in for a snog on a motorcycle, only to be horribly, deservedly rejected

But the most baffling thing about tonight’s episode was how Matty J played tennis against Lisa and stayed fully clothed the entire time? 

He is not very good at tennis. 
And then they swam instead of showered? And decided to eat in the pool?

Everyone is living for that cocktail party-cum-rose ceremony suspense: who will cry? Who will fight? Which white girl will leave? 

Sadly we lost someone called Laura-Ann today, a woman we do not recognise. 

Photo: Channel 10.

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