Buckle up friends, because this TikTok user reckons she’s cracked the code behind the Teletubbies genealogy, and has composed an entire family tree which confirms that yes, the Teletubbies do in fact fuck, and yes, they are absolute swingers.
Introducing the feral little binches, I mean, the Tiddlytubbies. If you’re reading this, chances are you have no fkn clue what a Tiddlytubby is, so let me get you up to speed.
In the 2015 revival of Tellytubbies, those coloured chaos aliens we all know and love, a handful of episodes featured an appearance from their little babies, called the Tiddlytubbies, of which there are eight.
Yep, it’s like the Von Trapp family plus one, which is an absolute handful and a half.
In 2018, due to their popularity, the Tiddlytubbies got their own show, and are now mumbling their way into the hearts of today’s children. Instead of sun babies and magical cow print hats, the new generation gets eight animated hellspawn. The kids are okay!
Now, let’s hop on over to TikTok, where user Kera McKeon (@kera.mckeon) believes she has cracked the code behind which child belongs to who and… there’s a fuck-tonne of crossover.
I don’t know if there was some kind of mass Teletubby orgy where everything got all mixed up, but the eight kids are all relatively the same age, and each of them bear resemblance to a different Teletubby.
McKeon believes the trick here is to study the colours of the kids and their parents. For example, Duggle Dee, the red baby, is clearly the child of Po, who is also red.
Also, McKeon believes that primary colours are the recessive gene, which will make more sense later.
Here’s a closer look at the family tree that McKeon has spent her time making for all of us to enjoy.
It’s a lot to understand, but Teletubare with me here.
In a follow-up TikTok, McKeon explains that she has made Punnett squares explaining how the genes work.
My brain is too English and literature charged to fully make sense of it, but basically, a baby like Umby Pumby (yellow) is clearly the child of Laa-Laa (yellow) and Dipsy (green), who are the only Teletubbies with the yellow gene.
Meanwhile, a bub like Ping, who is pink, is a medical mystery.
Here are the Punnet squares. Yes, they’re confusing, but if you study them closely, you can see how the genes of the Teletubbies pass on when they… fuck. Fun!
And here’s the third TikTok explaining the parentage of the little Tiddlytubbies, which just came out today.
I’ll be eagerly awaiting the next video to come from McKeon, because I am fully invested in the Teletubbies swinger saga, but for now, I think I’ve got the genealogy of the tubs pretty figured out. Except for the pink one. Who the FUCK is responsible for that?