Taylor Swift Is Definitely, Totally, 100% Not Inside This Big Ol’ Suitcase

The most perfect celebrity story of the year has been debunked, ruining what would have been a literally and metaphorically self-contained yarn for the ages. 

Photo agency Splash News has told the world that Taylor Swift was not bundled out of her New York apartment in a huge black suitcase, after a photo caption previously asserted the singer was snapped inside the hefty luggage. 

For the record, the service previously claimed “Taylor Swift has been reportedly being transported in a huge suitcase from her Tribecca (sic) apartment into her truck. 

“A fleet of cars including two large cadillacs (sic) and three suv’s arrive at Tailor (sic) Swift’s apartment in Tribecca to move a large suitcase from apartment to truck.

“Almost a dozen of Taylor Swift security guards were present to move this package carefully as Taylor Swift remains to be unseen for a long time.”
The claims caused an instant furore online due to how manifestly plausible the whole scenario is. After all, if our mate Adele can be wheeled to and from a stage in a big ol’ box, what’s to stop Swift from being lugged around in some Samsonite? 

After what we can only assume was an avalanche of media enquiries, Splash News was forced to say that the snapper was “not really a regular photographer that we use,” and that they had no real way to vouch for the claim. Which sucks beyond words. 
To BuzzFeed News, a Splash News representative said they had been in contact with Camp Swift about the allegation. You have to wonder why they’d go to such lengths to debunk the theory if she wasn’t actually in there… But hey. Official word is she was never in the suitcase.
Because that would be ridiculous. 

Source: SPIN.
Photo: Splash News / SPIN 1038.