Last night was avoidable, let’s be honest here. It didn’t have to go down like that. We’re at the end game stage of Australian Survivor and everyone is in cruise control. There’s now four people remaining in the game and every one of them has accepted their role.
Was David playing his last remaining Idol for himself, safely guiding him to the Final Four, the right move all things considered? Probably.
Does he have to rely on winning two straight Immunity Challenges to get to Final Tribal, lest he falter once and the remaining alliance of women rip him to shreds? Almost certainly.
Could he have fucked shit up last night by rolling the dice, shifting a vote onto Sharn at the last minute, and handing his idol to Tarzan? Absofuckenlutely.
But all that’s beside the point now, because it happened how it happened, and Tarzan was voted out at five.
Blessed Tarzan, who I love more than most of my own family.
A humble lime farmer with a heart of gold.
A sweet angel from Queensland, too good for this dastardly game.
A big strong bear who would suplex you into the mud without a second thought if Tribal Immunity were on the line, but would pick you up, pat you on the back and tell you “that’s alright cobber, you’ll get me next time” straight after.
The care and the love that man exudes on screen is a treat to behold, particularly given how upside-down everything outside of the game has gotten ever since the series started airing.
Even in leaving the game last night, his torch finally snuffed out, Tarz turned to the remaining tribemates, dropped a quick “namaste,” and then told everyone “I’ll see you buggers later.”
One final hug for the road 💕
Namaste, Tarzan – you’re one of the most loyal blokes we’re ever going to see on #SurvivorAU pic.twitter.com/tK22KvbWfu
— SurvivorAU (@Survivor_AU) March 23, 2020
Explain to me how you can top that: You cannot do it.
In a post-elimination Q&A, Tarzan explained how he’d like to be remembered as a Survivor player, giving one of the sweetest, most candid answers you’re ever likely to hear.
“I think I’d like to be remembered how I’ve always been. Remembered as the happy guy, the guy who enjoyed himself no matter the circumstances. And to be honest with you, I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he said.
Go well, you Prince of Limes. You Lord of Fiji. You King of Camp.
Who wins from here? Hard to say. Brooke maybe, David perhaps. But one thing’s very clear: We should all have a Tarzan in our lives.
Wholesome #SurvivorAU is the best Survivor 💕 pic.twitter.com/kJBkE4CLV9
— SurvivorAU (@Survivor_AU) March 23, 2020
Bless.
