It’s fine. It’s cool. Luke Toki didn’t win Australian Survivor. I’m fine with it. I am fine with it.
Luke, the King of the Jungle, was quite emotionally voted out in fourth place in last night’s opening half of the Survivor finale, leaving Harry, Baden, and Pia left to duke it out in the Final Three. Luke failed to win immunity, and the other three banded together to, rightly, vote him out of the game. He was easily the biggest game threat to each of them, none of them would’ve been able to beat him at a Final Tribal Council, it was the smartest thing to do for all of their individual games. I get it. It’s cool. I’m not happy about it, but I am f-i-n-e with it.
[jwplayer 2TT8ymo7]
Ordinarily that would’ve been the end of it, but unfortunately for me my fairly prodigious ass wrote a sizeable cheque in its own name last week in the form of this article:
It… kinda blew up. A lot.
That rather bold headline did more than your average amount of rounds. So much so that it wound up coming across the bow of Luke himself, who reposted it on Instagram which is, as far as my world as concerned, praise from Caesar.
Even still, I might have been happy enough to just leave it all at that; to let it wither away into the ether; to leave the Channel Ten doorstep unsullied.
But then Luke got eliminated last night, and Channel Ten started getting cocky about it.
Shortly after the episode aired, the official Channel Ten Twitter account – not the Australian Survivor one, who knows better than this – decided to try and call my bluff out in the open.
Hey @pedestriandaily, what time tomorrow fam? #SurvivorAU pic.twitter.com/3eyV5R46vj
— Channel 10 (@Channel10AU) September 16, 2019
Righto then! Good bloody morning to YOU.
There you go, ya jerks. Don’t wake the snake.
Now to address the flushing question in the room: Is that blurred-out but suspiciously bar-shaped brown blob actually a turd and not, say, a Cadbury Boost bar that I purchased at the nearby Woolworths mere minutes before? Legally, I’m not at liberty to say.
But know this: If you think for a second that I’m above getting my ass out of bed 45 minutes before my usual alarm just so I can go down to South Yarra and stage a human turd photo in order to make sure a rival network’s social media team is only half right when they call me out, you’ve got another damn thing coming.
