Spielberg’s ‘Indiana Joan’ Pitch Is Great But Does He Know How Surnames Work

After gender-swapped re-imaginings of Ghostbusters and the upcoming Oceans Eight, action film genre legend Steven Spielberg believes that Indiana Jones is ready to be rebooted with a woman playing Indy.

Speaking with The Sun, he also thinks the death-defying, thrill-seeking lead should be renamed to “Indiana Joan” and added that “there would be nothing wrong with that,” a point which I’d like to contest.

I’d like to put forward the idea that Steven Spielberg has no idea how surnames work.

Steven, dear Steve, there is something wrong with renaming Indy to ‘Indiana Joan’ because it simply makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. The character’s full name is Dr Henry Walton Jones Jr, so changing it to ‘Indiana Joan’ would mean that the character’s name would be Dr Henry Walton Joan. Hmm yep, better make that surname more feminine if we’re committing to a gender-swapped reboot, hey.

If you wanted to reboot the franchise with a woman in the lead role, then maybe change her name to something that isn’t Henry. ‘Indiana’ is a nickname that Jones gave his adventure-seeking alter-ego, so in theory, Indiana/Indy Jones would also be a totally fine name for a woman with the infamous whip.

The actual idea of a female-led franchise is pretty neat. Harrison Ford is set to hang up the hat after his fifth film in the long-running series which provides the perfect opportunity for Spielberg to change things up with the cast. I think the world is ready for a cynical anti-superhero in a female Dr Indiana Jones, but please someone make sure Spielberg has a handle on how names work by then.