All that feverish anticipation for the Goosebumps movie might be about to fizzle out, because the first reviews are in, and look – they’re not great.
The original books might have been our first introduction to scary shit – and anyone who tells you Night of the Living Dummy I-III didn’t scare the crap out of them is a fucking liar – but any hope that the Goosebumps movie might even be the teensiest bit scary is pretty much dashed at this point.
Film reviewers are describing Goosebumps as something akin to a slightly exuberant picnic: Inkoo Kang at The Wrap called it a “silly, rollicking adventure“, Michael Rechtshaffen at The Hollywood Reporter described the cast as “huggable“, and Scott Mendelson over at Forbes put the nail on this disappointingly wholesome coffin when he described it as “a jolly little romp”.
In fairness, these guys didn’t HATE it – give the reviews a squiz and you’ll find plenty of praise – but WHERE IS THE TERROR? The dread? The kids dropping dead behind every popcorn stand at Horrorland?
In the R.L. Stine books on your shelf, that’s where.
THOSE reviewers might have liked this non-horror, CGI-heavy film, but Variety, on the other hand, absolutely fucking hated it. Reviewer Geoff Berkshire began by calling Goosebumps “disappointing”, and it only got worse from there.
“This first big-screen spin on R.L. Stine’s popular kid-lit series — which already inspired four seasons of TV — turns an endearing collection of silly, spooky stories into a busy, noisy, soulless eyesore. Perfectly timed to capitalise on Halloween-happy family [audience], the lackluster horror-comedy will likely squander its breakout potential once word of mouth gets out.”
“Instead of adapting any one or a select few of Stine’s 100-plus “Goosebumps” tales, the filmmakers opt for a greatest-hits mishmash that prioritizes the spectacle of a parade of monsters over any attempt at atmosphere or mystery. The result is like gorging on trick-or-treat candy — it may sound like a fun idea, but you’ll pay for it later.”
*cries*
Soak up the trailer again and see if you can wrangle up some enthusiasm.
Goosebumps is set to be released in Australia December 26.
