In light of Wednesday’s news that auteur comedian Chris Lilley is launching a new ABC series this year, we thought it appropriate to reflect on some of his characters from series’ past. Lilley has been known to recycle beloved characters,like Ja’mie King who originated from We Can Be Heroes and went on to be a focal character of Summer Heights High. Likewise, Nathan and Daniel Sims featured in Angry Boys. Thus, it is only natural to speculate whether any of the past favourites will be getting their own spinoff. Using a scientific methodology based on current TV trends* here are the Pedestrian odds at which former Lilley character might be getting their own spinoff.
*That’s a lie.
Ruth “Gran” Sims 3:1
Key Quote: “You’re behaving like a pack of fucking little dickheads.”
A standout favourite from the slightly disappointing Angry Boys was “Gran” who was loved for her absolute political incorrectness, guinea pig enthusiasm and penchant for the word “fuck”. Lilley could use Gran as the central character for the remake of the 1980’s hit show Prisoner and have her spray some of her non-PC abuse towards women who may be able to crush her with their thighs. It would be fun to see Gran get into fisticuffs with large dangerous women. Who knows? She may even fall in love.
Key Quote: “Poo on you, poo on you, put my butt on your face and poo on you.”
S.mouse is a mixed bag. While he is generally fucking irritating and slants to the lowest of lowest common denominator comedy, he also has the certain je ne sais quoi that characters like Pauly D and The Situation have going for them, that could work for him too. Read: watching people who should never procreate go about their daily lives. At the end of the Angry Boys series S.mouse was going back to his affluent roots, changing his name back to Shwayne Jr – so we could always get to see S.mouse explore a career renaissance in gospel music, should there ever be a spinoff. We would also like to see S.mouse’s completely censorious straight-talking dad (played by the excellent Richard Lawson) get some more screen time.
Blake Oakfield 50:1
Key Quote: “What they didn’t realise was that we were just protecting them from the Fennel Heads fuckwits.”
If Lilley was to continue Blake’s storyline, it’d potentially be focused on prosthetic balls and learn-to-surf school, mixed with territory wars. Not that those things aren’t great, there’s just not any more room for surfers on TV at the moment. The River Boys in Home and Away are, at this point, the more popular bad boy surfers that prime time has to offer, then there is the Bondi Rescue crew who are the real life heroes and after the embarrassment of The Shire, we probably need to steer clear of coastal-related shows for a bit unless it’s reruns of The OC, bitch.
Mr G 2:1
Key Quote: “She’s what the kids would call a slut, which is a terrible thing to say about someone who’s just died, but apparently there’s no denying she was one.”
Mr G’s spinoff would be the thing that musical television fans’ dreams are made of: bitchiness, cruelty, unbridled creativity, song, unintentional sexual innuendo, dance, tears and drama. A great spinoff would be a combo of Glee/Smash/Community where Mr G and a group of mature-age students try to formulate their own hit amateur musical. He is the perfect combination of camp sass and political incorrectness (like Glee‘s Sue Sylvester character) mixed with the need to show off in front of his students (Will Schuester) and the drive to create his own musicals at the cost of nothing (every character in Smash). The television world could always use more contemporary theatre and expressionist performances in body bags.
Ja’mie King 5:1
Key Quote: “And seriously, like, I don’t want to be a bitch, but she’s like the fugliest girl I have ever met in my life.”
According to Ja’mie she is the smartest non-Asian girl in her class. A really great platform for misguided philanthropist Ja’mie’s wildly insensitive quips would be on a reality television series like Celebrity Apprentice. The girl is not afraid to say what she thinks and has an unblinking blind confidence in herself that would make for some truly amazing reality TV eruptions. Actually, she would be so good on My Kitchen Rules… Channel 7? You’re up.
Jonah Takalua 6:1
Key Quote: “We have a rule where we’re not allowed to go within 10 meters of the fence, in case we beat the shit out of pedestrians and stuff and kids.”
Arguably the most quoted of Chris Lilley’s hugely quotable cast of characters, it would be fascinating to explore the uncertain future of the special ed delinquent in a where are they now type scenario. It would be far too obvious for Jonah to have gone down the young criminal path, so it would be really great to see a slightly reformed Jonah following a career path in something entirely unexpected like childcare or in entertainment. Or both. He could host Play School, where we could see Jonah incorporating breakdance into the alphabet, contemplate the gayness of various inanimate co-hosts like Big Ted, and rename the arch window the ‘fucken curvy one’. And, because he’s semi-literate he would struggle through picture books at reading time… This concept actually sounds like it has legs. You’re welcome, Chris Lilley!
Which of these characters do you long to see more of?
Written by Elizabeth Tucker. Writer, editor, host of an inconvenient intolerance to Fructose.