HEY. YOU. INTERNET PERSON. FUCKING PAY ATTENTION, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
For too damned long we’ve had to sit idly by and watch as corporations and committees and blue ribbon tuba parades get their grubby mitts on the naming rights of things long before any of us can even get a remote sniff of them.
It’s a travesty. A grand injustice. And it cannot be stood for any longer.
That’s why today we bring you news of a glorious uprising of humans, all of whom have banded together to say “NO MORE!” Together, they are getting stronger, mightier, and they need your help to really stick it to the man by getting the official name for fire ants changed to the clearly-far-better “SPICY BOYS.”
Why, you ask? Why put time and effort and attention into what’s clearly a mostly pointless endeavour? BECAUSE.
Who would do such a thing? Such a strange, unusual, not-gonna-see-it-everyday thing? SMART PEOPLE.
Who would you even ask to get the name of fire ants changed in the first place? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe MICHELLE OBAMA or BARACK OBAMA or even MARK ZUCKERBERG? EVER BLOODY HEARD OF ‘EM?
A petition started on Change.org to get SPICY BOYS their rightful place in the Wikipedia page for “ants” has managed to amass a hefty 698 signatures at the time of writing. But it needs more. Much, much more.
As the petition states firmly:
“It’s 2016, there are 36 genders, bayblade might be a new olympic sport, why arent we calling fire ants ‘spicey boys’”
Why aren’t we indeed! It makes all the sense in the world! They’re small little ants who make your flesh dance like a hot tamale. SPICY BOYS.
They live in steamy places like Australia and Taiwan and the USA and China. SPICY BOYS.
They are deep red in colour, the same colour as the mother earth beneath their feet. <size=”motherfucking big”>SPICEO BOYOS</size>.
You might think this is the most pointless thing you’ve ever read. But on the other hand, isn’t it the most not pointless thing you’ve ever read?
Source: Change.org.
Photo: Change.org.
