Septuagenarian Scrub Charles Saatchi Files For Divorce From Nigella Lawson

A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly and also publicly announces he’s divorcing you in a British tabloid after he grabs you by the neck in a London restaurant and you don’t stick up for him. Charles Saatchi is a textbook scrub.

Saatchi, 70, has issued a weirdly passive aggressive statement in the Sunday Mail subtly titled “I’m divorcing you Nigella,” a declaration he could’ve made over email and one he has described as “heartbreaking” on account of Nigella, 53, not defending him after he grabbed her neck. The Mail then reports that Lawson has hitherto been unaware of the following:
“I am sorry to announce that Nigella Lawson and I are getting divorced. This is heartbreaking for both of us as our love was very deep, but in the last year we have become estranged and drifted apart. 
I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella during the last year or so, and I am disappointed that she was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women, and have never abused her physically in any way.”
Saatchi continues that what occurred at Scott’s restaurant could just as easily have happened in reverse – a Freaky Friday situation, if you will – because Nigella “[has] grasped my neck to hold my attention” in the past as the two are “instinctively tactile people.”
“Difficult as it may be to believe,” Saatchi maintains that no pressure was applied in the tactile neck and nose embrace – it was “merely a gesture,” a sentiment Nigella has corroborated in a statement made to police. Earlier this month, Saatchi accepted a police caution following the incident. The two have been married for ten years and have an estimated combined wealth of £155 million.
He concludes: “I am sorry that we had a row. I am sorry she was upset. I am even more sorry this is the end of our marriage. 
I wish Nigella only the best for her future and her continuing global success. She remains the most wonderful woman in the world.”
You can read Saatchi’s full statement here via The Daily Mail
Photo: Toby Canham via Getty