Primary school was the fucking tits, wouldn’t you agree? None of this paying for exorbitant Aussie rent, living off Mi Goreng bc you spent all your money on ill-advised tequila shots on Saturday night bullshit. No way! Mum made you elaborate dinners! You saw your friends every goddamn day! School had TWO extended food breaks!
One of the best things from primary school was Scholastic Book Club. I had completely forgotten about it until today, and I couldn’t even tell you how I was reminded of it tbh – my brain is a weird place and frankly be thankful you aren’t in it.
ANYWAY. Scholastic Book Club, in case you clicked this and didn’t know (why would you though?? That’s weird. You’re weird) was this mail-order thing and each month or something like that, where you picked books you wanted in the magazine your teacher gave you, then Mum paid for them and you got a cool deliver a week or so later.
This was pre-internet, guys. Or at least, pre NORMAL internet.
Anyway, let’s revisit some of the magic, shall we? Firstly – you absolutely tried to buy the books with “presents” in/on them. Like whenever there was a ballerina book and it came with a necklace. Like see in the bottom right corner of this 2003 mag? That Golden Compass book? It comes with a GOLDEN COMPASS. That was the hot shit right there.
Also, you had like 40 of the books that featured this large red fuck. WHY.
I reckon I had like four of these books and I was way too old to be buying picture books. Did Clifford have a hex on us? Was he using mind control? Did they drug our water bottles when we weren’t looking or some shit? He’s the worst. I want to punch him in the large eye and I won’t apologise for it.
I was also ALWAYS sucked into the “month” themes. I would have bought SO much poetry from this one, guys.
Can someone also tell me why/how they’re selling a very, extremely boring looking Al Gore book to children.
ALSO GUYS! Animorphs! ANIMORPHS, BITCH! Fucking loved that shit! Can’t remember anything about it – it was kids who turned into superhero animals, right? Maybe? Whatever, I ordered the fuck outta those babies.
Okay I’m running out of things to say about the magazine but let’s end this Friday Yarn by feeling soothed by this tick-box list you got to fill out:
That was a fun ride, wasn’t it?
