With Halloween upon us, you’ll no doubt be on the lookout for a horror movie that’ll scare you and your mates shitless, right?
If you’re struggling to decide which flick will get the job done, we’ve sorted you out by ranking all the villains in the mammoth catalogue of horror flicks on Stan from fucked to next level fucked.
Be afraid, be very afraid…
8. The Fisherman (I Know What You Did Last Summer)
Four teenagers (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe and Freddie Prinze Jr.) accidentally hit and kill someone on their way home from a beach party then dispose of the body in the ocean and go about their lives as normal.
Unbeknownst to them, they were being watched by ~someone~ from their town who makes it their mission to get vigilante justice on the gang by tormenting and trying to kill them.
His / hers (no spoilers!) reign of terror lasts for not one but two films.
Props for determination, I say.
7. Annie Wilkes (Misery)
Think your fan boi / girl obsession is out of control? I mean, it probably is but it’s nothing compared to Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) of ’90s flick Misery, based on the Stephen King novel of the same-name.
When famous writer Paul Sheldon (James Caan) breaks both his legs in a car accident, Wilkes, a former nurse who lives solo, takes him in and promises to help him recover.
As a thank you for her hospitality, the author lets her have a squiz at his upcoming manuscript but when she notices the story going in a direction that she doesn’t like, she begins torturing him.
Said torture scenes are absolutely harrowing to watch so defs have a pillow handy to shield your eyes but maaan does Kathy Bates do a superb job of playing the psycho.
6. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
If you didn’t shudder just by reading his name then you clearly haven’t seen the iconic film Silence of the Lambs and you absolutely MUST if you consider yourself a horror film fan.
Anthony Hopkins plays Dr Hannibal Lecter, a former psychiatrist and incarcerated cannibalistic serial killer who is confined at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane… until he longer is (you’ll see what I mean).
The author of the novel of the same-name that the movie is based on has said that he drew inspiration for the character from a real life doctor serving a life sentence for murdering a close friend, mutilating his body and putting it in a very small box. Nice, huh?
The flesh eater wreaks havoc in this film as well as a TV series called Hannibal only in the small screen incarnation, he is a forensic psychiatrist who works to manipulate the FBI from within whilst continuing his cannibalistic, serial-killing ways.
If you haven’t seen any of the Scream or Scary Movie films, you’ll at least recognise Ghostface from basically every Halloween party you’ve ever bloody been to.
Perhaps the scariest element of the Ghostface villain is that he / she is not just one killer that can be stopped: the mask is worn by different characters in each film meaning that the villain pretty much can never die as long as the mask exists.
Catch the frightening ghoul in all four Scream films as well as the hilarious but equally creepy parody Scary Movie.
4. Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning)
If you wanna score immediate fucked points, just put ‘Chainsaw’ and ‘Massacre’ in the title of your film and / or name your villain Leatherface.
The Texas Chainsaw flicks tell the story of a mad man who wears a mask made of human skin (delish) who goes on murderous rampages with his trusty chainsaw alongside his equally messed up family.
Fucked fact: While the yarns spun in the Massacre films are fiction, Leatherface is based on real life killer and body snatcher Ed Gein (the Butcher of Plainfield) who dug up corpses and made trophies from bones and skin until being caught on November 16, 1957.
2 & 3. Freddie Kruger and Jason Voorhes (Freddie vs Jason)
Guys, I really wracked my brain to figure out who out of Freddie Kruger and Jason Voorhees deserved a greater fucked up ranking.
I mean, Jason wields a god damn machete but Jason can kill you in your sleep meaning you’ll never get a good night’s rest again, so…
But upon reflection of the crossover flick Freddy vs Jason, the answer became clear to me: they’re both equally fucked.
I don’t wanna spoil the movie for ya so check out the INSANE ending and you’ll know exactly what I mean.
1. Michael Myers (Halloween H20: 20 Years Later)
This guy was an obvi candidate for most fucked up villain ‘coz, well, the bastard’s been terrorising audiences since the ’70s for crying out loud.
In a grand total of ten different films, Michael Myers, a psychotic killer with a shit scary mask, seeks out Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), intent on killing her and murders a whole lotta randoms along the way using v. brutal methods.
Halloween is largely credited as the catalyst for the great slasher films of the ’70s, ’80s and ’90s which is all thanks to the terrifying antagonist that is Michael Myers.
With the new Halloween out rn (to rave reviews, I might add) you might wanna school yourself on the entire back story of Michael via the OG freaky flicks.