Even if you hate gambling, think horse racing is a cruel unethical practice and look terrible in a hat the Melbourne Cup is still a great event because IT’S THE RACE THAT STOPS THE NATION. Translation: a free day off work for getting pie eyed.

While Melbourne is the only metropolitan region with an official public holiday to honour the race, everyone else around the country gets to enjoy an unofficial slow day via boozy work lunches, Cup-themed client events, Calcutta auctions, workplace sweepstakes, or simply a trip down to the local for a punt and pint. Ultimately, the Melbourne Cup is just another excuse to get shitfaced with the rest of Australia.

If you plan on watching the telecast tomorrow feel free to take your chances and play the odds with THE 2011 MELBOURNE CUP DRINKING GAME.

The rules are simple.

Take a drink:
Every time the commentary team cross to the celeb tents to interview a ‘star’ that coincidentally is currently staring in a show on the same network.
Any time the race caller says ”round the outside’.
Whenever the Emirates logo appears on screen.
Any time commentators mention the ‘Qantas crisis’.

Take 1 shot:
Every time fashion commentators refer to ‘colour blocking’.
Any time the camera shows a Rugby League player in the tents.
If someone says ‘she’s a terrific filly’.
If Robert ‘Millsy’ Mills is appears on camera.
When the fashion commentators do the Hats vs Fascinators conversation.

Finish your glass:
If celebrity guest Sarah Jessica Parker is wearing a Phillip Treacy headpiece.
Any time a guy holding a schooner is shown cheering drunkenly straight down the barrel of the flyover camera.

Commence a waterfall: (one person starts drinking then person next to them starts then the next and so on)
Whenever a tv commercial for Tom Waterhouse’s betting website comes on.
If a dude makes the finals of Fashion’s On The Field.

Buy a round:
If your horse bolts in the wrong direction or refuses to leave the gates.

Drink til you pass out:
If there’s a crowd shot of a girl passed out on the grass.

Pour one out:
If a horse falls over. That usually means they’ll shoot it.

Please suggest other rules in the comment section. And stay tuned for our Last Minute Betting Tips tomorrow morning.