Ah, men. You never cease to amaze us with your immaturity and penchant for bizarre communication, such as the lad who sent a girl a lengthy questionnaire on Tinder to suss out if she was the one. But he was young — don’t men mature with age? In the case of 91-year-old media mogul Rupert Murdoch who apparently dumped his wife Jerry Hall via text, no, they don’t.
Per the Daily Mail, sources close to the couple said Hall was “shocked” when her marriage ended out of the blue last week.
I have never been married, nor divorced, so I can only imagine how distressing it would be to hear that your other half wants to call it quits after six years, as was the case with Murdoch and Hall.
But the rumour mill has claimed Hall found out her marriage was kaput by text or email, which are quite possibly the absolute worst ways to find out your husband is divorcing you.
“What is clear is that he did the dumping,” a source told the Daily Mail.
The poor girl has endured a lot of Ls. First and foremost, she was married to Rupert Murdoch. And while it takes two to tango, it was still Rupert goddamn Murdoch. Enough said.
Not only was she hitched to him but he dumped her. This is to be read in the same tone as Michael Bluth saying “her?” whenever his dear, sweet son mentioned his girlfriend on Arrested Development.
A woman who has graced more Vogue covers than I have drunk Diet Cokes was dumped by a man who is not only positively ancient but has proven time and time again that his internet privileges must be revoked.
A man who joined Twitter and needed his then-wife Wendi Deng to teach him what he could and couldn’t say on that darn newfangled platform.
A man who likely has a bespoke iPhone that allows him to crank his display to scarily gargantuan proportions.
And despite having such a large screen, he still would have typed the “you’re dropped” text using only one finger, holding the screen with his arm stretched out. You just know he was peering over his glasses with his tongue poking out in deep concentration, as well.
Breakups suck but take solace in the fact that you have not been dumped by this man.
