Are you sick of the royal wedding yet? Haha! That’s a funny joke! I WANT ROYAL WEDDING INFORMATION TIL I DIE. TIL I DIE, I TELL YOU. I’ll never be sick of the nuptials of Prince Harry & Meghan Markle, now Duke & Duchess of Sussex. It was romantic. It was sweet. It had a mildly unhinged Baptist minister and unconventional stair kisses. It also had, according to reports, a wild royal wedding reception.
I live for information on the royal wedding reception, because it’s the one bit we don’t get full coverage of. It’s all “sources” and whispers and secret shady guests who are assholes and breach the privacy code or whatever they likely put in place to prevent people revealing which royals ran around in their undies or pissed in a corner bc they were wasted.
So I’ve spent the arvo compiling all the tidbits of info I could, so you can get a really nice wrap of the crazy shit that allegedly went on.
NOT EVERYONE WAS INVITED
While the wedding ceremony had a 600 strong guest list, the reception whittled things down to 200. But don’t worry – most of your faves were there. George & Amal Clooney, Serena Williams, Idris Elba, Priyanka Chopra and the Suits cast were all present and accounted for.
GUESTS DRESSED THE FUCK UP
You know how everyone looked extremely “garden party but make it cold and unfeeling” at the wedding? Well those conservative threads were binned immediately in favour of zesty party numbers like Priyanka Chopra‘s excellent Dior gown above for the reception. Guests were, according to The Sun, told to “dress to the nines” for a night of “old-fashioned glamour and gallons of champagne”.
GUESTS HAD TO HAND OVER THEIR PHONES
Apparently guests were asked to hand over their phones so that unauthorised pics and videos weren’t taken. Extremely smart move there, royals.
IT WAS HELD IN A GLASS MARQUEE
The marquee cost $600,000 dollars and was purpose-built for the event, which was hosted by Prince Charles. Wowza. But it wasn’t just about the sit-down dinner in the marquee, according to The Sun.
“There was a glass marquee for the dinner, festival-themed stalls and bars outside, with different themed drinks,” a guest told the tabloid. “There were burger bar stalls, whiskey bars, candy floss, games to play, acts performing and a DJ with a dance floor.”
THERE WERE BESPOKE COCKTAILS
Apparently Charles & Camilla got a special cocktail shout-out with a gin & vermouth number, because they apparently froth the spirit, and a cocktail called ‘When Harry Met Meghan’ which consisted of rum and ginger ale.
“That also went down a storm,” a guest told The Sun. “Everyone found it hilarious.”
IDRIS ELBA DJ’ED
Imagine your dream celebrity DJ for your next bday/wedding and then mentally murder them. Replace them with Idris Elba. There, now you’re talking. I cannot imagine someone more desirable to take over the decks than Idris, and I briefly mentally floated the idea of Childish Gambino. But Idris has that older, mature man swagger. Donald Glover would dominate the tunes with his own shit. Idris would add NUANCE. He’d know when to fill the floor and when to play the “going to get a drink” tracks. Apparently his playlist filled with soul classics, 1960s R&B and 1980s dance hits. Just as I would expect.
GUESTS GOT MONOGRAMMED SLIPPIES
Pretty Little Liars actor and wife of Suits star Patrick J. Adams, Troian Bellisario, uploaded this lol pic of her shoe change from heels to monogrammed slippers provided for guests who were over their killer shoes. Most brilliant idea ever, I’m stealing it.
THERE WAS BEER PONG
In what was apparently a nod to Meghan’s US heritage, guests played beer pong. CAN you imagine. The British would freak out. Picture Camilla playing fucking beer pong, it’s so wild I can’t even deal. Anyway – the best part about this beer pong reception detail? According to The Sun, Serena fkn Williams got into it.
“Serena Williams played beer pong like it was tennis. Everyone had so much fun with it, there were even fireworks,” a source told the tabloid.
DYING. What I would give to see Serena serve some violent ping pong into a beer cup, and have it splash all over Prince Charles’ expensive suit.
HARRY, CHARLES & WILLIAM HAD A DANCE-OFF
This one I find hard to believe, mainly because I’m not entirely convinced Charles could bop around without a kneecap falling out or something. Dude is OLD. Anyway, apparently the two bros and their dad had a jaunty little dance-off comp that was instigated by MC James Corden. Why? Who knows! Seems awful and naff but here we are, pals. Oh, and Meghan’s mum got involved.
“Meghan and her mum also joined in. Then everyone danced, which really kicked off the party,” a source told The Sun.
BEFORE CHARLES AND CAMILLA PISSED OFF
According to a source, Charles and Camilla were outta there once things got spicy.
“Prince Charles and Camilla headed off at about 10.30, leaving the younger ones to party.”
THE FIRST DANCE WAS A WHITNEY HOUSTON BOP
According to The Telegraph, the newlyweds first dance was to the epic “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston. Interesting choice but I like that they went for a zesty number and not some borza slow waltz. No one needs to hear Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” EVER AGAIN. EVER.
WILLIAM IS APPARENTLY A LAUGH RIOT, WHO KNEW
Wills seems like the serious brother with zero personality (sorry) but according to The Sun, his speech – which he did in collaboration with Harry’s best mate Charlie Van Straubenzee, was the hit of the night, and involved roasting Harry for his thinning hair, a guest told the tabloid.
William managed to strike just the right balance between hilarious and solemn. He did mention their late mother, Princess Diana, and said how proud she would have been of her younger son. He said he was proud of Harry too and welcomed Meghan as the sister he never had and the best thing that had ever happened to Haz. But when he and Charlie got going, it was hilarious. They teased Harry about his growing bald patch and Wills said it would become as bad as his. It was some bash.
IT ENDED WITH FIREWORKS
What’s the most royal way to finish your whopper reception? Er, fireworks – which apparently went off at 2am to signal the end of the festivities.
THERE WAS AN AFTER-AFTER PARTY
While 200 guests were invited to the sit-down after party at Frogmore House, there was actually another, likely even SPICIER after party that took place at Chiltern Firehouse after 1am, according to news.com.au.
What a wild time. Wish I was invited. Not bitter about it at ALL, Harry. NOT AT ALL.
