Thanks To ‘The Masked Singer’ We All Got Horny For Rob Mills For The First Time Since 2003

Rob Mills

2003 was such a wonderful time. I was in Year 12, was turning 18, the world was full of promise and Australian Idol Season 1 was in full swing. I vividly remember at the Year 12 formal, my friends and I gathered around a Nokia 3210 texting someone’s mum to see if Guy Sebastian or Shannon Noll had won Idol because the finale was rudely on the same night as our last high school hurrah.

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Another thing I remember is how much I wanted to kiss Rob Mills‘ face off during this time. From the moment he sung Robbie Williams‘ power ballad “Angels” to advance to the top 12, my teenage hormones were activated, and stayed highly alert until his rude elimination after reaching the top 5.

I felt vindicated when the biggest celebrity in the world at the time, Paris Hilton, came to Australia for the Melbourne Cup and even she couldn’t resist his charms, with the two snapped smooching on a balcony after a night of unbridled passion in her hotel room.

But soon, Millsy faded from the spotlight and sadly, so did my love for him. There were other Australian Idol contestants to fall in love with (hellooo, Lee Harding) and I’ve always been a fickle person. So I’m sorry to say it, but I almost forgot about sweet Millsy. Yes, musical theatre nerds, I know he’s done loads of musical theatre but unless you’re someone who goes to that stuff regularly, then you wouldn’t have seen much of Millsy. Until Ten’s excellent show The Masked Singer brought him right back into the spotlight, kind of.

Since the show premiered the country was fascinated by the real identity of Wolf, probably more than any of the other masked singers on the show. There was something strangely sexy about Wolf, the bad boy of the show who had the crowd and guessing panel (and fine, me at home) literally howling every time he took to the stage.

Tantalisingly, Wolf kept advancing through the series so our desire to find out who was behind the mask only intensified week-to-week, until he made it to the finale. Singing a sexually-charged version of the Beatles’ “Come Together”, it seemed Wolf might even win this damn thing. But he was beaten in what Osher Gunberg called “the closest vote” in Masked Singer history, which I’m gonna go ahead and dispute because the only look at the “voting” that us viewers got was some of the audience furtively texting on their phones. As my grandpop would have declared about literally anything he didn’t agree with, “IT IS RIGGED”.

Anyway, I digress. When Wolf came in second he was forced to unmask himself as the crowd chanted “Take it off! Take it off!” with slightly more thirst than they usually do. And when he was revealed to be none other than Rob Mills, well everyone was a bit shook by how this man has not aged a day since 2003, and in fact looked… damn good.

Even Lindsay Lohan couldn’t help but exclaim that the man was “a studmuffin”. My best mate instantly hit up Millsy on Insta only to discover he’s in a relationship. Hell, I even had a dream last night that involved him but I shan’t go into details here. Twitter was also in a tizz about Millsy. I’M NOT ALONE YOU GUYS.

Just look at this:

Fact of the matter is, the Masked Singer made us all horny as hell for Rob Mills. It’s freeing to just admit it. Now, we’re gonna need him to capitalise on this by releasing new music and / or becoming the next Bachelor. (Sorry, Millsy’s gf. It has to be done.)