And his Wikipedia page shall now state 1) Streaked on Rihanna’s 777 tour plane that one time 2) Won the 2013 season of Big Brother. Mum will be so proud.

Tim Dormer, the never-never-nude radio personality who we described in the live blog of this season’s first episode as “easily in the lead for Big Brother Contestants I Most Want To Punch”, has proven to be the opposite of that after picking up the $250,000 cash prize, a 2-4 year media career boost and 60,000-80,000 Instagram/Twitter followers in the champagne soaked wake of the Nine Network reality show’s grand finale last night.

The Paddle Pop Lion who for reasons unknown to us since we didn’t consistently watch the show for more than two weeks, transformed from someone Pedestrian commenters described as “SO ANNOYING. CAN”T WAIT TO SEE SOMEONE SNAP AT HIM” and “king douche and I will never warm to him. NEVER.” to someone the Australian viewing public was willing to bestow a quarter of a million dollars upon because they thought he was a chill human being and “played the game” well. Which by the way is a phrase that has never quite made sense on this show because this isn’t Survivor/The Amazing Race or a competition which requires skill or tactical nous and how do you even “play the game” well aside from making sure you’re not a complete fucking asshole and not dying? That is the fatal flaw of Big Brother. It’s a terrible competition.

Anyway, someone please fill in the blanks for me because it’s too early and I am not prepared to speed watch 87 episodes of Big Brother in the next twenty minutes. Let’s just say the real Tim emerged? Or the fake Tim did? One of those things happened.

Dormer spent a total of 101 days in the house and won with 36% of the vote, beating out fellow finalists Jade Pietrantonio and Tahan Lew-Fatt who placed second with 34% of the vote and and third with 30% of the vote respectively.