The only thought that consistently helps me get up in the morning is that somewhere out there, someone’s making a mistake that’s much worse than any of the ones I’ve made. I hope.
Some of my most embarrassing moments keep me up at night (I still cringe when I think about the time I drew a picture of my friend in a noose in primary school when my crush was giving him more attention), but at the end of the day, all we can do is look back and laugh.
And cry. And seek the appropriate help, if need be.
For some sweet, brief relief, take a look at some other people’s horrid memories that’ll likely haunt them (and now you) forever.
The ultra-public vom
When I was 16 I went on exchange to France for a few months and attended a school there. I didn’t really have to do their exams, so whenever it came time to hold them they’d just make me sit there in the massive Hogwarts-like hall and I’d draw on my exam papers.
One morning I was feeling super crook on the bus, so when I got in I asked if I could go to the library instead of staying in the exam hall with everyone else. They said no, and I wound up in the middle of the hall. Ten minutes in, I projectile vomited all over my desk, completely derailing the exam and collapsing off my chair.
Everyone in the entire room turned and stared. Not only did they have to re-take the exam, but the poor dude sitting next to me had to clean up my mess. – Steph
A bit cheeky
I had a nasty accident on my bicycle while on a standard exchange student night out in small-town Germany. I had to go into hospital for a CT scan because I’d fractured my shoulder. Frazzled over trying to master German medical terminology to communicate with the doctors, I’d misunderstood their initial instructions.
I realised this after emerging from the change room in just my bra and undies, to roaring laughter from the entire medical team (who moments ago, being German, were stereotypically sombre af). “FRAU!” one doctor cackled. “With pants. Not without,” he barely managed through tears. – Mina
It happens to the best of us?
After the third date with a guy I really liked, he had spent the night and I was starting a new job that morning. I was wearing a skirt that I hadn’t worn in a while, so was a little tighter than I first remembered. He offered to drive me to work, so I, of course, said yes.
As I was telling him a story, trying to fight off the awkward ‘morning after’ chat, I tripped and fell, splitting the entire back of my skirt open. Dead, coffin, buried. Will never wear a tight fitted skirt again! – Jane
Where there’s smoke, there’s a bag on fire
I was out on a first date at a cute little rooftop bar. The conversation was going quite smoothly until about half-an-hour in, when a panicked bartender tapped me on the shoulder and said, “EXCUSE ME, YOUR BAG IS ON FIRE.”
I looked down and sure enough, a menacing flame was making its way across my duffel bag, which I’d evidently ashed on. I’ve since quit smoking, and no, the romance flame also promptly burned out, in case you’re wondering. – Mina (again, come on Mina sort your life out)
When I was 15 I was a swimmer and went to training in the morning then came home to get ready for school. One day I’d been playing ACDC in the car and walked into the house doing my loudest, screechiest Bon Scott impression, completely forgetting that my parents were renovating the kitchen.
I turn the corner to be faced with a whole bunch of very cute tradies all stopped and staring at me. I basically ran up to my room and refused to come back out until I was assured the coast was clear.
Some people have tried to tell me this isn’t embarrassing, but I was a teenager, and I’m still awkward with cute boys over 10 years later. So yeah, I actually died. – Kassia
That time my boyfriend cheated on me. That was embarrassing. – Chantelle
My god, how I wish the memory eraser in Men In Black was real. See ya later, I’m off to watch it and pretend I exist in the same universe that lets you wipe memories willy-nilly.
If you want to join me in this alternate reality, you can buy Men In Black: International first on Digital.