It’s been a bit of a week (and month, and year) so please take a moment to sit back and cast your gaze upon the splendour of something created by the Earth. An object that is so spectacular and visually-pleasing it probably belongs in some kind of museum, ensconced in glass so our grubby human hands cannot ruin it somehow. It is, of course, this forbidden fried chicken that’s actually a huge hunk of crystal.

Siri, play ‘Isn’t She Lovely‘ by Stevie Wonder. Because, hell, isn’t she wonderful.

And yes, of course, I immediately wish to gnaw on this forbidden snack. I would do simply anything to gaze lovingly and then have a little nibble on this extremely forbidden tender.

The big crumbed-and-fried hunk of rock is actually a big cluster of red calcite. The owner of the glorious crystal chicken, Amelia Rude, put it up as a joke on the r/ForbiddenSnacks subreddit a few days ago without really thinking about it, and it rightfully went absolutely boonta. Now I bring it to you, for you to also drool over.

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Look at it, it’s beautiful and I wish to grind my teeth down to a fine powder on it immediately.

After being hounded online by people wanting to throw money at her to own this national treasure, Amelia has said that the crystal one-piece-chicken-feed is absolutely not for sale. But if there’s one chunk of Kentucky Fried Calcite out there, then there’s got to be more, right? There’s surely got to be another cluster of crystal that looks like a chicken bit that’s been dusted in eleven secret herbs and spices, and it’s absolutely now my life mission to find and own it.

Now that I’ve found a new long-term life goal, let us also delight in the other forbidden crystal snacks in that subreddit, to really round out the Forbidden Snack Buffet.

Forbidden broccoli from forbiddensnacks

Mmmm forbidden brocc.

Hard Boiled Opal from forbiddensnacks

Forbidden eg.

Forbidden steak from forbiddensnacks

Ooh cooked rare.

Chocolimonite Chip Cookie from forbiddensnacks

I demand to monch, for dessert.

Image: Instagram / @unbeadableenergies