“Recovering Vegetarian” Court Is The ‘MKR’ Contestant Australia Needs

Up next we have the obligatory “busy mums” from the current bracket, Kelsey and Amanda. Look, I’ll just level with you here. You know how, in the movie Election, Reese Witherspoon‘s character hears loud tribal drums and primal screaming in her head whenever she gets mad? That’s kind of all I hear when Kelsey and Amanda talk. I’m sure they’re really nice and everything but they’re just really, really loud and I’m not sure how I’ll make it through these recaps without even more vodka than I’m currently drinking.

Alyse and Matt and Josh and Amy are our two other married couples. Josh is a cocky, self-described “seafood master” who looks down on all the other contestants and says he’s boss in the kitchen so you know the show’s setting him up as a future villain. Alyse and Matt seem fun, although all we really know about them is that Matt has very big arms and could probably lift Pete with one and Manu with the other – something I’d actually pay good money to see, if anybody at Seven reads these recaps and would be interested in setting that up. Brisbane besties Della and Tully seem pretty sweet and bubbly, so they’ve got that going for them so far. 

Brothers Albert and Dave are the ones cooking tonight, and they seem like very sweet dudes, so I feel bad for them that things don’t go better. Their restaurant is called Laughing Out Lau, which is a play on their surname and a strong contender for cheesiest MKR pun of all time. Originally from Hong Kong, the brothers are hoping to do their mum proud tonight by cooking traditional dishes and putting a modern twist on them. These two clearly love their mum – so much so that there is a giant framed photo of her right there in the kitchen, watching over them as they cook. 

There is no indication of whether the producers made them put it there or if this is a decorating choice Albert and Dave made of their own free will, but either way, the two of them seem to shrink under dear old mum’s disapproving gaze, and dish up some fairly underwhelming meals. 

Entree is Eight Treasures Fortune Bag with Scallops, but the ‘modern twist’ they’ve put on this classic dish is wrapping the money bags in some kind of sloppy omelette situation instead of the usual crispy fried wonton skins, which makes them utterly fall apart. The boys try to tie the ends off without much success, as the chives keep slipping off, but clearly they’re able to hear me shouting “JUST PUT SOME FUCKEN TOOTHPICKS THROUGH THEM” at the screen, because they decide to do just that. Nonetheless, the damage is done, and nobody is very impressed when the starter finally comes out. 

Realising that they’ll get very little mileage out of Albert and Dave’s cooking, the editors turn their attention to Court, who picks this moment to tell the table that she’s a “recovering vegan slash vegetarian”, which basically means that she didn’t used to eat meat, but now she does, although she now considers the ethical side of what’s on her plate. Tellingly, MKR decides to share a video of this particular moment with its Facebook followers, and the comments section goes utterly bloody bonkers – who knew that lots and lots of people have opinions about vegetarianism and will happily shout these opinions at others given the opportunity to do so?

Well played, MKR. That’s how you engage with your audience on social media.

Albert and Dave’s main is Hainan Chicken, which is “a whole chicken poached very gently” – a bit like Pete Evans, come to think of it. They’re using tenderloin instead of an actual whole chicken to make the dish healthier or something. Manu clucks disapprovingly at this choice when he visits them in the kitchen – POULTRY HUMOUR – and indeed, it doesn’t pay off. The chunks of chicken around the table range from stringy to undercooked, and it seems like the boys are in for another round of bad critiques. At this point, “if I was served this at a restaurant, I would send this back” officially becomes the theme of the night.