Aussie actress Rebel Wilson says she once snuck into a stranger’s front yard and dropped it like it’s hot with a flaming, stinky numero duo. I know she’s a comedian but sadly this is not a joke.
Rebel revealed the story on an episode of former Bachie stars Laura Byrne and Brittany Hockley’s Life Uncut podcast. Rebel had just appeared on Bridesmaids when this yarn happened IRL so she was fairly recognisable to an American audience. Remember that while reading.
She told the gals that after devouring a whole pizza and 2L bottle of Pepsi — relatable — during a depressive episode — also relatable! — she went on a hike to go walk it off. Here’s where she made her first error.
“I go on the hike, and it’s uphill, and I felt very sluggish after eating, like, thousands of calories,” she said.
Seconds later, it hits her. She’s gotta go number duo. And ASAP, Rocky.
As that primal need to take a humpty dumpty took over her, she realised another grim fact: she wasn’t going to make it back home in time before it dropped. Despite the fact her pad was only a few blocks away.
“It hit me, it was all inside and it just had to come out,” she added.
“So I was in a residential street [and] I was trying to hold it in, but I couldn’t.”
At this point, Rebel Wilson recalled she was struggling with the idea of knocking on someone’s door and asking to take a shit in their loo. There was only one other alternative she could think of.
“I’m going to have to go in someone’s lawn,” she recalled.
“Then I saw this nice house. It had a nice front garden, nicely-mowed grass, and I just thought, ‘that’s the one.’’ Bazinga.
The law graduate then squatted down nearby a bush that unfortunately “didn’t provide much coverage” and started to take a page out of Elsa’s book and let it go.
As she did, she started to notice a car pulled in the curb nearby.
“I’m still squatting on the front lawn, it’s so disgusting. My mind goes, ‘if they come and saw something, I’m just going to scream that I’m pregnant.’”
Umm, okay sure, that’s a tactic! TBF, she never said it was a good one. You’d do something chaotic too if you were in crisis mode and needed to shit.
Fortunately for her and the driver, they end up walking to the house next door and don’t catch her mid squat, drop and roll.
This is giving strong Bridesmaids bridal dress fitting energy and by that I mean it really is a miracle nobody saw her take a load off on the lawn. Anyway, the story itself is foul but I genuinely feel for Rebel here. We’ve all been busting to go to the loo on the way home and had a wet floor on aisle 5 moment or two in our lives.
