Guess any netball player’s position wrong and they’ll be offended. Whether you played 20 years ago or yesterday, there are unwritten rules about what your position says about you.
I’m a former Goal Keeper and it shows… I’m a pushover, don’t like attention, am slightly taller than average and just here for a good time. And, don’t you dare try to take that away from me!
To celebrate the upcoming Diamonds International Test series — the return of international netball tests to Australia — we’re giving you a fun recap on the positions so you know what the go is when you watch.
For all the visual learners among us, we’re demonstrating these positions by aligning celebs to each one of ’em. And, to make this as scientific as possible, we’ve put a Kardashian in each position too as a ‘control’ of sorts, so you can really understand the nuance.
Anyway, let’s hit the court.
The centre is always the overachieving star of the show. They’re competitive, confident and call the shots — a natural leader.
Florence Pugh and Kim Kardashian would have excelled on the court as centres.
Goal attacks have to do a lot at once — run up and down the court and then pull themselves together to score a goal. They’re defs one of the popular team members and don’t mind being in the spotlight one bit. In fact, they thrive in it.
Abbie Chatfield, Kris Jenner and Billie Eilish all would have dominated in this busy position.
Rounding out the popular kids, is the goal shooter. These tall and graceful beings score a lot of praise but also have to grapple with how everyone is jealous of them.
Delta Goodrem, Gemma Chan and Kendall Jenner definitely would have scored in the goal circle.
The defensive positions garner less attention but have some solid personality. Khloe Kardashian, Zendaya and Mariska Hargitay are exactly the kind of tough cookies who would bring extra contact into this no-contact sport to try and stop the other team scoring. Don’t you dare try messing with their friends, fam or teammates!
Look, from experience I can tell you that goal keepers are just there for a good time. They’re not fussed about the competition but do love when their team is winning (because all the action is up the other end, so they just have to stand and have a chin-wag for a while).
Lizzo, Kylie Jenner and Saoirse Ronan are giving us goal keeper vibes.
Literally the epitome of netball’s “Here if you need” on-court catchphrase, wing attacks do all the grunt work for none of the glory. They’re strategic and dependable but it’s definitely not the most glamorous gig.
Kevin Jonas and Luke Hemsworth, talented fan-faves whose brothers take up a lot of the limelight, would certainly know how to operate in this role. You’ll notice there isn’t a Kardashian in wing attack, which really says it all…
Like their attacking oppositions, wing defenders are often overlooked. They’re there and doing their thing but have a lot of ‘whatever’ energy going on.
Olivia Rodrigo, Michael Cera and Kourtney Kardashian would have excelled at this.
All jokes aside, every last one of these positions (even the wings!) are vital to the team.