I Wish Queer Representation On Screens Was More Of A Thing When I Was Coming Out

Contributor: Aaron Gill

I’m a 28-year-old male, and I’ve only just watched Call Me By Your Name. I know, I’m like two years late. But guys, I am feeling some type of way and if you take anything away from this, it’s that it is never too late to feel some type of way, no matter stage of life you’re at.

Am I listening to the official soundtrack while drinking red wine? 1000% yes! Will my cleanser hurt my face tomorrow because I’ve been crying and have sensitive skin? Gurl, you best believe it will. To put it simply, I feel like one of those songs that makes you feel happy and sad at the same time.

Alexa play Visions Of Gideon on repeat. If you know you know.

I grew up watching romance movies with heterosexual characters, like many of us did. But over the last couple of years, I’ve found myself discovering more about my identity and masculinity without even realising it – through having access to LGBTQI movies and TV shows on Stan and Netflix. Growing up, there wasn’t much in the way of access to such content and certainly not in the range and way it’s celebrated and streamed today.

When I told my dad I liked guys, he was teaching me how to drive. I was doing a terrible job for about 2 hours in the rain, which eventually prompted him to ask if I was ok. I was trying to figure out how to tell him ‘I like dudes’ as I put it. So I came out with it. He said calmly and with a smile “I know…now take the next right son.”

I’m not crying, you’re crying!

The scene between Elio and his father Samuel at the end of the film absolutely destroyed me more than any other moment, because just like me, Elio didn’t have to say anything about his newly discovered identity. His father did all the talking – and talked to Elio in a way that every child would want their parents to –  from a place of love and acceptance.

But it also broke me because I realised once again how lucky I am to have a father who accepted and acknowledged me without judgement or fear. It was a conversation, not a confrontation.

The film also brought back feelings of love and loss in my own life, and I felt these more deeply than I ever did watching heterosexual relationships play out on screen. See, I once met a man in Sydney who I fell head over heels for in a very short space of time, just like Elio and Oliver. My dad had taken my sisters and I on a comedy-themed cruise ship holiday to bond in Sydney (bless him) and I ended up meeting a guy who I felt instantly attracted to. My sisters covered for me when dad became curious about where I was (bless them too).

Nothing physically happened between us at the time, but there was an innate connection unlike anything I’d ever felt previously. I was confused, scared and excited. I ended up going back to visit him in Sydney a few months later under the guise of work (I was living in Adelaide at the time) and spent a few weeks with him. Long story short, I came back heartbroken.

If I had seen these portrayals of queer people exploring their identities before running head first into heartbreak, I can’t help but wonder if my inner mental dialogue to myself would have been kinder. I wonder if I would have been able to find my way out of the closet with more confidence and clarity about how to navigate life after.

The answer I’m sure is yes. Seeing a relatable queer relationship like Elio and Oliver’s play out on screen vs constant hetero relationships growing up provided me with a visual emotional benchmark of sorts, something to lean into. Despite the fact it lives in fantasy, if I had seen this visual portrayal 10 years ago it would have been a powerful way for me to bring my emotions, thoughts and feelings into reality.

There are so many queer stories to be told. We’re just scratching the surface. Whether or not you’re accepted by your family, having visual scenes of validation can still help young queer people navigate their  journey toward who they are. In the same way, the more LGBTQI+ stories we see on screens, the more normalised our experiences become. Which I think is a pretty cool thing.

The power of a good story can bring you to your knees and at the same time give you the strength to get back up and keep turning the pages. We need more of these stories on our screens.

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