Pope Francis, A Cool Pope, Says Virgin Mary Was World’s First Influencer

Pope Francis

You know how every so often you drive past a cool church where the sign out front reads ‘WHAT’S MISSING FROM CH  CH? UR!’ or something corny like that? Pope Francis has this week proved himself to be the ultimate cool pope, with a Tweet about how the Virgin Mary was the first influencer.

“With her “yes”, Mary became the most influential woman in history,” he wrote in a somewhat baffling missive to his 18 million followers. “Without social networks, she became the first “influencer”: the “influencer” of God.” Here’s the Tweet to prove that it really happened:

I’m not even going to try and unpack what that means, but needless to say, the Vatican probably sanctioned this dad joke-y Tweet knowing that millennials would engage with it and share it and write about it on blogs, and now here we bloody well are. Any publicity is good publicity I guess,

Anyway, now that Pope Francis is our first extremely online pope, supreme pontiff of dank memes, what new teachings can expect next from the Catholic church? Here are a few new scriptures that my work group chat suggested that that I will now claim as mine:

  • “Soooooo today we’re going to do an unboxing of my son’s tomb omfgggg can you BELIEVE it’s been three days since we crucified that bitch?!?”
  • “Heyyy guys, Mary here, today we’re talking about the big man upstairs, the G-O-D dawggg, make sure you hit that like and subscribe for more”
  • “Clergy gang clergy gang clergy gang clergy gang clergy gang clergy gang clergy gang”

Pope Francis

So there you have it, folks. We officially have our first social media pope, and he is hip to millennials. Truly, what a time to be alive.

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