Playboy Explores The Third Dimension

In an effort to reclaim the “readership” he lost to internet porn, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner has devised a bold new plan to revolutionize the way people pleasure themselves – 3D Centerfolds.

To wit, the June issue of Playboy will feature 3D glasses and a “very blurry Playmate of the Year” – Ms. Hope Dworaczyk. Speaking with The New York Times Playboy Editorial Director Jimmy Jellinek expressed hopes that a 3D centerfold will “remind people that for all the infatuation with the Internet, there is nothing quite like having a magazine in your hands. “People want things that last and have meaning,” he said.

Firstly, a magazine won’t be the only thing in readers’ hands Mr. Jellinek (ha!) and secondly this does raise an interesting conundrum for porn connoisseurs everywhere. Would you prefer a static image with an extra dimension or streaming videos with only two? Dimensions vs. Movement? This argument of course, will shortly become obsolete when 3D video porn turns pervy dudes everywhere into permanent shut-ins. Oh, the times we’re in.