How was your weekend? Survive the heatwave? I don’t know if you’ve been outside, but it sure is a hot one out there!
Piers Morgan and J.K. Rowling, on the other hand, spent their entire weekend’s duking it out on Twitter.
It hardly needs to be said that Rowling, of course, is the v. famous author of the ‘Harry Potter‘ books and spends her time speaking out against xenophobia, institutions that contribute to poverty, and every tiny detail of the wizarding world she never put into print but is definitely a thing.
So about their fight. It all started when Aussie comedian Jim Jefferies told Piers Morgan to “fuck off” on television for arguing semantics that Trump‘s immigration ban – which is pushing America slowly yet alarmingly towards a constitutional crisis – isn’t “a Muslim ban”.
Rowling tweeted her schadenfreude, and that’s where things kicked off. Morgan has never backed down from a fight with literally anyone, so what follows is a blow-by-blow account of his latest.
Yes, watching Piers Morgan being told to fuck off on live TV is *exactly* as satisfying as I’d always imagined. https://t.co/4FII8sYmIt
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) February 11, 2017
This is why I’ve never read a single word of Harry Potter. https://t.co/XUJBMs4KKm
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
Because you had a premonition that one day the author would roar with laughter at seeing you called out for your bullshit on live TV? https://t.co/8rkKSqJTnG
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) February 11, 2017
Everything I said was factual.
If you think screaming ‘FUCK OFF!!!’ at me changes that, then you’re mistaken. https://t.co/0U9fVoTjfc— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
.@piersmorgan Would you like a couple of hours to mock up some pictures of refugees carrying explosives to substantiate your position? https://t.co/sFj0kqIajd
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) February 11, 2017
Here’s where both of them started to break script, and evidently got caught up in everyone ELSE joining the fight and so threw a few more punches for the hell of it. It’s that moment in ‘Bridget Jones Diary‘ where Hugh Grant and Colin Firth are fighting in the street, and you think it’s all over, and then Hugh Grant clocks Colin Firth one last time in the noggin.
The superior, dismissive arrogance of rabid Remain/Clinton supporters like @jk_rowling is, of course, precisely why both campaigns lost.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
The fact-free, amoral, bigotry-apologism of celebrity toady Piers Morgan is, of course, why it’s so delicious to see him told to fuck off. https://t.co/4XNF4G0nlD
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) February 11, 2017
I see: if you win, you’re right? I seem to have read something rather like that before… hmm… pretty sure it was in German… https://t.co/omRwd6l2RW
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) February 11, 2017
‘I write about Hogwarts, Squibs and Muggles, so anyone who doesn’t agree with my politics can F**K OFF!’ – @jk_rowling
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
.@piersmorgan If only you’d read Harry Potter, you’d know the downside of sucking up to the biggest bully in school is getting burned alive.
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) February 11, 2017
I don’t care what side you sit on in this debate, that is a truly fantastic burn.
.@piersmorgan If only you’d read Harry Potter, you’d know the downside of sucking up to the biggest bully in school is getting burned alive.
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) February 11, 2017
#StillHurts pic.twitter.com/28rUHy2McC
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) February 11, 2017
FYI: @jk_rowling gave me a Harry Potter wand to auction & help me win Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
So @jk_rowling loudly backed Ed Miliband, Remain & Hillary.
Takes some wizardry to be so wrong so often. ??— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
This thing continued for hours. Other celebs (John Green, George Takei, the least famous Baldwin brother) jumped into the fray, and Morgan treated them exactly the same as he treats people with three followers and an egg avatar: he retweeted and insulted the shit out of them.
Morgan definitely has a point about the internet echo chamber stifling (or more accurately, drowning out) debate, but it’s a point that gets lost on account of him being a monumental dick.
It’s ‘you’re’. https://t.co/7rc1p59PoT
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
No bigger bullies right now than the shrieking, hysterical anti-Trump celebrity brigade.
You lost, so suck it up Dolores. https://t.co/RFQkyJWxZ5— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
My eldest son’s a Potter addict.
I consider this a serious failure in my parenting skills. https://t.co/1vaVJX7wLL— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
Happy Saturday! pic.twitter.com/sI8uTY1grp
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
Mate, my 5-yr-old understands Harry Potter. We’re not talking ‘A Brief History of Time’ here. https://t.co/FZeQFqybTP
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
National treasure?
She wrote a few wizard books. https://t.co/pbkMIX3Hpq— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 11, 2017
The only thing left worth noting here is that Morgan tweeted 5+ times for every one of Rowling’s, and managed to make the so-called hysterical internet fighting he’s apparently against about a billion times worse.
Photo: Real Time with Bill Maher / YouTube; Getty.
