The wondrous Bondi to Coogee walk is known for its breathtaking seascapes, winding paths and panoramic views. It’s also known to attract a fascinating pool of humans.

I recently visited Sydney’s most Instagrammable coastal walk and, instead of popping my earphones in and consciously blocking out the world around me, decided to open both my ears and my heart to the festivities at hand. My curiosity got the better of me. What types of things were the walkers talking about? What pressing issues were on their minds? What were my fellow athleisure-wearing beach-goers using the Bondi-Coogee walk to vent over? It was time to find out… so I started to listen.

Turns out, listening wasn’t too hard of a task, as the following comments were thrust upon me with the volume of a megaphone – my trusty exercisers weren’t shy about keeping their tea-pouring sessions quiet, thus gifting me 3-second nuggets of gold as we momentarily crossed paths, never to see each other ever again. Gold nuggets that definitely gave me some insight into the lives of Bondi-Coogee walkers.

So, without further ado, please feast your eyes on the most iconic, fleeting, out-of-context statements I heard while embarking on the Bondi to Coogee walk…

“When I got married, my bridesmaids did nothing…”

“I’m feeling so seedy. I’ve got nothing in my stomach… Shall we take a photo real quick?”

“I thought it was hot but it got, like, zero likes. I was so confused.”

“[Redacted] was forcing cocktails down my throat and I was just like, okayyy!”

“Your leggings blend in with the ocean!”

“You ARE big, though.” [We can only guess what they were talking about, but… uh, yeah, we’ll let you fill in the blanks.]

“I reckon we’re a 7/10.”

“He opened the ‘yeah, where are you?’ and never responded.”

[Standing at lookout] “Ocean pic. Absolutely one for the grid.”

First friend: “There have been so many guys that’ve been bad for me.”
Second friend: “Same.”
Third friend: “Same.”

“He lived in my suburb and, after we broke up, I never saw him again. Like, I thought I would’ve at least seen him around the area. He probably moved away.”

“How far are we from the toilets? My latte’s coming on.”

“We shouldn’t had that bag last night.”

“What am I going to do? Stay at home with the kids all day? Fuck that.”

“Acais?”

What a time to be alive, folks. What a time.

Bondi Nancy Drew, over and out.

Image: Getty Images / Joseph Christopher Oropel