We spent a considerable amount of time this week playfully critiquing all the fashions, frocks, and faux pas of the Brownlow and the Dally M awards and one thing we noticed was that holy shit a lot of these blokes just DO NOT KNOW HOW TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED.
Especially the NRL players. My LORT.
Who can blame them though? These fellas had dreams as kids to be out there on the green grasses of the ANZ Stadium, and not papped mercilessly by a bunch of photographers trying to get the perfect shot of them and their date.
Clearly, nobody has given these blokes any guidance of how to stand or look or act in a photo opportunity at an event, or they have and I must ask – what the fuck did you tell them???? Has the years of head traumas from being thrown to the ground by hefty dudes ruined their ability to pull focus on a person with a camera?
Anyway, here’s my favourite collection of absolute roughest heads from the Dally M Awards who had clearly stepped onto the marker on the floor with the stunning backdrop of the Sydney Opera House, looked at the photographers, and stared straight into the void – and the void stared back.
Penrith Panthers’ James Maloney here clearly got into the beers a little too early. Maybe he headed straight to the ballroom to suck back a couple of Reschs before being told he HAD to go have his bloody photo taken.
Here’s a pinpoint of the exact moment where Manly Warringah Sea Eagles‘ Joel Thompson was visited by a ghost and told that he’s actually the long-lost Hemsworth brother. That thousand-yard stare, holy shit.
Jordan Rapana from the Canberra Raiders is definitely wondering how long he can get away with holding his breath because he got crop-dusted by whoever was before him.
Why is his face all squished right into the middle? Anyway, former Newcastle Knights lock Chris Heighington is very much just waiting for a feed and to knock back a couple of cold ones at the Dally M awards. His face says “I’m having a great time” but his eyes are screaming “please dear god make it stop.”
Points to Cronulla Sharks‘ Jesse Raimen for having beautiful eyebrows which I bloody BET just grow that way and he doesn’t even get them waxed but he’s trying so hard to be fun and flirty with the camera and it’s just coming off like he’s secretly dropped his guts and nobody else has noticed yet but he’s smelling his own fart and really enjoying it.
The same fart that Jordan Rapana clearly walked into? Probably.
HAHAHAHAHHAHA I JUST…IT’S AHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Look I said before that this is absolutely the face you have when you take up from a ket bender and you don’t know what species you are and I am 100% standing by that.
Godspeed to Sydney Roosters‘ Jake Friend, you impossibly sweaty man.