If you were to allow me to fantasy book an ideal Survivor cast made up of already-notable people, Aubrey Plaza would probably be draft pick number one (because I fully believe she would develop her own language and blindside people by murdering them) and Nick Offerman would be pick two. As it turns out, Offerman, the most urban mountain man alive, came extremely close to actually, really, legitimately being a cast member on the long-running reality series. Seriously.
Ridiculous as it may seem, Offerman himself confirmed that at one time he was a handful of moments away from becoming a Survivor contestant.
Offerman and extremely great partner Megan Mullally both appeared on Conan O’Brien‘s new Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend podcast and revealed the tasty morsel of information that the man you know as Ron Swanson was ready, willing, and keen to ship off somewhere and duke it out for the ultimate prize of Jeff Probst‘s undying love and affection. And the only thing that prevented it from happening was Offerman’s phone ringing with an ill (or perfectly) timed acting gig.
OFFERMAN: It’s been discussed. We’ve sincerely looked at it in reality.
MULLALLY: It was actually maybe going to happen and then he got an acting job.
Nick then followed that up by stating the obvious that he would be “good at some things” in the game, but the social manipulation aspects might be a bit beyond him; a claim Mullally then reiterated in trademark fashion.
OFFERMAN: I think it would be really fun. I think I would be good at some things, but I’m not certain. I’m not sure how well I would fare in the social aspect of the game.
MULLALLY: His brain, he’s not effed up enough to think of how to screw everybody over.
If I’m anyone even tangentially employed by CBS, I’m picking up every phone under the sun and calling the house down until this happens.
Mostly because I want to see Nick Offerman build a three-storey Victorian out of driftwood in 15 hours. And mostly because I fully believe he has expansive survival kits already hidden on every tropical island on the planet.
Make it happen, Probst.