Nic Cage Will Smack The Piss Out Of Haunted Theme Park Creatures In A Wild New Movie

Like the Matthew McConaissance before it, we are currently in the grips of what I like to call The Unlocking, or the Cage of Aquarius if you will – the late-career revival of Nic Cage, taking him from borderline Hollywood afterthought to cult hero status thanks to his apparent willingness to throw himself into any movie role provided it’s a) violent as hell, b) heavily stylised, and c) absolutely insane.

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Case in point, Cage has reportedly signed on to play the lead role in an upcoming romp called Wally’s Wonderland. Plot details were released today, and it sounds kind-of like what would’ve happened if Ben Stiller had simply shotgunned all the exhibits in Night at the Museum the instant they came to life.

In Wally’s Wonderland, Cage will play a janitor at a theme park that has a “dark secret.” When he is forced to spend the night in the park, his character is “drawn into a living nightmare,” where there “threatening animatronic characters come to life,” and he then has to “fight his way from one monster to another to survive until morning and get out of the park.”

It’s the fucken Warriors meets Five Nights At Freddie’s, and it sounds demented and awesome.

As if it weren’t good enough as is, the titular Wally in question happens to be the film’s antagonist, who will be accompanied by a roaming gang of “psychopathic misfits.”

The script for the film previously landed on the Blood List, which is akin to the much higher-profile Black List of most-hyped unproduced screenplays, but specifically for high concept genre films like this.

There are no other details available about the film at this time, but whatever it winds up being you can just straight-up hook it to my damned veins.