There’s a reason so many dating apps ask for your stance on a range of hot topics like marriage, kids and general lifestyles.
It’s much easier to weed out people who don’t have a similar life plan as you from the get-go than it is once you’re in a committed relationship.
On the flip side, plenty of people refrain from having these big conversations in case they find out there’s no future when everything else has been going swimmingly up until that point. It’s a tricky one.
Regardless of how far along you are in the relationship, I say the earlier you tackle these questions, the better. You don’t want to wind up in a relationship of three years to find out they hate dolls and don’t want you to bring your creepy doll collection with you when you move in.
The two contestants on P.TV X British Paints‘ scorching hot DIY dating show, Lasting Love, were given the task to talk through these life questions on the first date, so if that’s not jumping right in I dunno what is.
See for yourself below:
Further suggestions can be found below, as I know it’s not a ‘one-size-fits-all’ solution for most.
Work your way up to the larger conversations
You nary want to go in ranting about kids or money or buying a home, that’ll turn south immediately. In Lasting Love, the contestants found envelopes in the dog house they were painting a shade of British Paints Smooth Vanilla (was it a child’s cubbyhouse? I clearly don’t have pets nor kids) that asked a series of questions like, ‘What would your parenting style be?’ which honestly, is a genius way to break the ice.
That’s a much better approach than shouting, ‘DO YOU WANT KIDS EVENTUALLY I NEED TO KNOW TELL ME OR I’M LEAVING’, so a subtle question is a nice way to dip the toe in.
Find areas of compromise
At some point in your life, you’ll need to make a compromise. Perhaps it was when you were young and you wanted to shove sand in your mouth but your parents made you settle for people food, or it might very well happen during a relationship.
I actually don’t know any relationship where the couple hasn’t had to compromise a tad. Sure, some things are set in stone, like having kids (or not wanting to have kids), which proves to be a dealbreaker for many, but there are other life questions that you can very happily meet in the middle.
If you go in with an extensive list of unwavering demands, you’re not going to get anywhere.
Don’t write off the other person’s feelings
What’s important to you might not necessarily be important to them, and vice versa.
No matter what the topic is, try to understand where they’re coming from and see it from their perspective. You probably won’t have a sudden light bulb moment and jump on board, but you’ll have a bit more empathy when you’re chatting through it all.
Don’t come out of the conversation harbouring resentment
Compromising is all well and good unless you end up feeling resentment towards your partner because of it.
Yes, you might want nothing more than to make the relationship work, but at what cost? The relationship isn’t going to be all peachy if you’re staring daggers at your partner for holding you back or pulling you forward prematurely.
Just go at your own pace, agree on what you’re both happy to agree on and if there’s truly something that neither of you feel content with doing, it might be time to reassess.
