Infamous hair metal band, Mötley Crüe, are getting a Netflix biopic based on their autobiography, The Dirt, and if it’s anything like what’s written, it’s gonna be an absolutely insane ride.
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The shit these guys got up to back in the day was nothing short of pure insanity, especially when it came to bassist, Nikki Sixx, and drummer, Tommy Lee. In fact, they came to be known as the “Terror Twins”, and for good reason.
Not a lot is known about the movie yet, but there is a short teaser for it which you can see below, with a longer trailer set to drop tomorrow.
Of course, there are so many stories in The Dirt, there’s simply no way all of them could make it into a single movie. Not only that, some of them are just incredibly gnarly that they, uh, probably wouldn’t make the cut anyway.
Having read The Dirt not all that long ago, it got me thinking about some of the bits that are maybe a bit too much for film. Here are a few of them.
A word of warning: some of these are pretty full on.
Putting their dicks in burritos
Tommy Lee and singer, Vince Neil, were notorious cheaters, and in an attempt to hide their deeds, they used to rub egg burritos on their dicks.
“We were always fucking other chicks at the studio and backstage,” Neil told Hustler. “We would take Tommy’s van to a restaurant called Noggles to buy these egg burritos and then rub them on our crotches to cover the smell of the girls we had just fucked… we never thought about going into the restroom and just washing our dicks.”
The Spaghetti Incident
Tommy and Nikki once had a bet while on tour to see who could go the longest without showering or washing and still hook up with groupies. It all ended when a girl vomited pasta on Nikki while going down on him because the smell was so bad.
Some say this was the inspiration behind the title of Guns N’ Roses‘ 1993 album, The Spaghetti Incident?, but that hasn’t been confirmed anywhere, so who knows?
One groupie, one bottle
During one tour, a groupie approached the Mötley bus wanting to party and whatnot. The band was about to go on stage, but one of them put a bottle on the ground and said something along the lines of, if you’re still sitting on this bottle when we get back, you can come and party with us.
Long after the show had finished, they returned to the bus and, yeah, she was still there.
Bad reception
Oh boy. So one story in The Dirt centres around a willing groupie who had the receiver of a phone put into her, ahem, flower, by the band, and then had a conversation with her mother in that very position.
The band members did this for their own twisted amusement, but at this point in their lives, they admitted that they weren’t even amused. As AV Club points out, “they lost respect for the woman and for themselves” and, mostly, were just really depressed.
Partying with Ozzy Osbourne
Ozzy Osbourne has, and probably still can, party harder than anyone on the face of the planet. The guy is an absolute unit and Nikki’s story about a tour they did with the singer back in 1984 is just one example of that.
After running out of cocaine, Nikki challanged Ozzy – who was wearing a woman’s dress – to snort a line of ants instead, but the story descends into much worse in next to no time.
“I handed him the straw, and he walked over to a crack in the sidewalk and bent over it,” Nikki wrote. “I saw a long column of ants. … And as I thought, ‘No, he wouldn’t,’ he did. He put the straw to his nose and, with his bare white ass peeking out from under the dress like a sliced honeydew, sent the entire line of ants tickling up his nose with a single, monstrous snort.”
“Then he hiked up the sundress, grabbed his dick and pissed on the pavement. Without even looking at his growing audience … he knelt down and, getting the dress soggy in the puddle, lapped it up. He didn’t just flick it with his tongue, he took a half-dozen long, lingering and thorough strokes, like a cat. Then he stood up and, eyes blazing and mouth wet with urine, looked straight at me. ‘Do that, Sixx!’”
Buckling to peer pressure he “could not refuse,” Nikki also pissed on the pavement, but before he could get to the puddle himself, Ozzy got on the ground and started licking it up. “I threw up my hands,” Nikki said. “You win.”
I don’t think any of these stories will make it into the Netflix movie, not only because they’re completely fucked up, but also because I’d wager it’ll be looking at telling the overarching story of the band with some of the tamer, but still wild party stories as filler.
The Dirt stars Douglas Booth as Nikki Sixx, Daniel Webber as Vince Neil, Iwan Rheonas as Mick Mars, and Machine Gun Kelly as Tommy Lee. The film will hit Netflix on March 22.
