Ahh, reality dating shows. The TV programming we collectively get utterly obsessed with for an unhealthy amount of time throughout the year, because we are mere sluts for the drama. But from all the most-popular shows across the world, which ones are the most successful for people actually locking that shit down? Well, the numbers have been crunched, and the we’re deeply shooketh by the results.
But hey, if it’s in the math, then who are we to deny it?
In a new study done by the very serious researchers at reputable quantitative research hub, SlotsUp (I know, I know) the top 13 most successful reality dating shows across America, the UK, and Australia have been established.
And in entirely unsurprising news, Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle has come in dead last, even though Harry Jowsey and Francesca Farago really did give it a red-hot go for a while there.
The research is based entirely on how many of the show’s couples are still together at the time of collating the data, and then ranking the shows depending on matchmaking prowess.
Australia’s first entry is at number 8 with Married At First Sight, and it shits me to know that Bryce and Melissa are part of that rank placement, but the fact it beat out all 25 seasons of the American original The Bachelor has shook me.
Coming in at #6 is Love Island with one couple still together out of 12 total couples (thank you, Josh and Amelia), and is the highest-ranking Aussie show in the list.
Right at the top, however, is a little show called 90 Day Fiancé, where contestants have 90 days to go from popping the question to tying the knot, all in the race to lock in a K-1 visa for foreign partners. Nothing like a bit of government bureaucracy to keep the spice alive in a relationship. According to the stats, a huge 28 out of a total 37 couples have stayed together after the show, and I’m pretty sure the threat of deportation is probably doing a lot of the heavy lifting there.
Honestly all I’ve learned from this is that we need to up our game as a country of reality TV obsessives, or people need to get shacked up in a more wholesome way. How do we do a dating show that instills all the warm fuzzies of MasterChef? That’s the money, I reckon.