The sexy Wiccan hex Megan Fox cast using hair of Brian Austin Green, the lower lateral cartilage shavings left over from her second rhinoplasty and copious eye of newt continues to wreak havoc on the lives of her erstwhile colleagues who aren’t Shia LeBeouf, made manifest today in director Michael Bay’s stunning impression of a man whose soul has no choice but to flee its earthy vessel having endured a thousand deaths on stage at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. 

While delivering a stunningly scripted presentation that I guess we’ll never truly know, ostensibly written for the purposes of promoting Samsung’s curvaceous new 4K televisions and not with a view to torture Michael Bay and all those in the audience with no choice but to look on in sheer horror – their eyes, ears, everything bleeding – Bay fucked up royally. 

Hark, this is more uncomfortable than a G-string fashioned out of sandy knives and more engrossing than a Transformers marathon:

In a pithy statement released soon after that he almost certainly did not script or deliver verbally for obvious reasons, Bay fumbled: “Wow! I just embarrassed myself at CES, I rarely lend my name to any products, but this one is just stellar … I got so excited to talk, that I skipped over the exec VP’s intro line and then the teleprompter got lost. Then the prompter went up and down – then I walked off. I guess live shows aren’t my thing.”

Nope, guess not [drops mic; exits stage right].

Photo: Robyn Beck via Getty