FUCKING HOORAY: Mercury In Retrograde Is Finally Over

Look, I dabble in astrology – I don’t know a lot about it, I’m not always interested in it, and I generally only take note of my horoscope if it’s good news or shockingly accurate (at least, in my mind). But I cannot bloody tell you how shitty this month has been for me in terms of frustrating bullshit, and I am putting it down to most of March involving Mercury in goddamn retrograde.

[jwplayer wVWyAnB7]

What does Mercury being in retrograde mean? Basically it’s supposed to set off a chain of bad luck. Essentially – chaos. When Mercury is in retrograde, expect relationship issues, all your tech shit to fail on you, random annoying stuff to happen that makes you late or miss appointments and so on… just havoc all round.

This month, Mercury was in retrograde from March 5 – March 28. That means technically it was over yesterday, but I guess if we want to be accurate we’ve gotta wait for the rest of the world to farewell the 28th. So it’s almost done.

Normally I don’t really buy this whole “ah fuck Mercury is in retrograde everything’s gonna go to shit” mentality, but for March – hoo boy. Let me tell you, because EVERYTHING went insane.

I had a fight with my boyfriend because I’d decided the way he asked me to take my water bottle off his work-desk-cross-bedside-table was “weird”. At the time I remember being very convinced that he had said it with an attitude. Now this seems absolutely batshit. For example, my argument in the fight was “JEREMY YOU SAID THAT LIKE I’M NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY PRESENCE IN YOUR ROOM, IS THIS JUST YOUUUUR SPACE NOW???” which is quite literally insane. He was equally confused but for some reason we were not understanding each other in the slightest, leading to an hour-long tense argument where I was telling him he was being a dick and he was telling me I was being rude, but then kept saying things that made me irate again…. hoo boy. Anyway the odd part of this is we rarely argue and we’re pretty good at seeing the other side. MERCURY. It was bloody Mercury.

Then, I’m working from home the other day right? First my sister takes my laptop with her and I forget that’s happening, luckily she’s got a desktop so that’s fine, but still inconvenient and led to a big search around the house for the missing laptop. But then – the fucking NBN guy shows up (four hours late) and tells me the internet will be out for UP TO FOUR HOURS. This is right before I’m meant to start my shift, by the way. Cue me frantically working out how to get to work to use the work internet, only for it to switch back on in a dickheadish way 15 minutes before I leave. I know all of that worked out, but see the chaos? See?

Some more shit that happened – not one, but three of my light bulbs went out. My dog jumped on my lap while I had a tea and the tea spilled on her. I swear all my buses were late all month. I forgot I had a meeting with someone at 9am in a cafe, and just left them there wondering if I’d died. I lost my credit card, then found it once I’d cancelled it.

Also, I’d managed to miss the cut-off for a really big traffic fine and the reminder – with added “penalty costs” of like $60 appeared in the mail last week. The fucking timing.

Oh!! And let’s not forget how bloody Facebook went down for almost an entire day?? Just that little chestnut.

I’ve been told by work’s resident astrology guy Matty that the reason this retrograde sucked so hard for me is because it was “in Pisces”, which I assume means it landed in the Pisces birth-date bracket. So COOL. COOL COOL COOL.

The next retrograde is scheduled for July, and there’s another in October/November. Hopefully they are less intense? I don’t know if March has been as batshit for you as it has been for me, but fuuuucking hell I’m glad that retrograde is almost over.