Hi everyone. I’m neither an expert gambler or a racing expert, so I figure I’m as good an authority as any to give last minute Melbourne Cup betting tips to those of you who might be after them! If you knew any better surely you wouldn’t have clicked on this anyway.

The following tips are based on phrases I think I may have overheard during the last few days, tweets by complete randoms, suggestions from friends in the know, and other stuff entirely made up by me based solely on guess work and favourable colour combos. You’ve been warned.

FIRST THING’S FIRST The main race (officially known as the ‘Emirates Melbourne Cup’) is race number 7 at the Flemington race track in Melbourne, Victoria. And before you start yelling “DERRRR” at your computer screen, that can actually be handy to have a heads up on – particularly if you’re not accustomed to the workings of the TAB and horse betting. Did you know race days are also happening today at Moody Valley, Randwick, Wangaratta, Echuca, Cranbourne, etc, etc. Ergo, it’s important to make sure you’re betting on race #7 for the correct track.

MY PICK: FOX HUNT My five dollars is on Fox Hunt (#8) because it reminds me of this scene in Mary Poppins which I think is cute. The end.

THE EXPERT PICK: AMERICAIN Last year’s winner Americain has been tipped as the favourite by the “racing experts” from various media outlets and as a result is also the bookies pick at the lowest odds (at the time of writing this article casual uninformed chat.

TIP VIA EMAIL: AMERICAIN A friend emailed me this earlier today via a reliable racing source (who did pick last year’s winner) : Americain (#1), but apparently he doesn’t have an ideal starting gate, Illo (#14) – because Bart Cummings is talking him down which is what he always does and then he becomes the dark horse (as it were, zing) and Dunadan (#3) becasue he’s a good all-rounder. Could be a couple of dollars on Niwot (#23) too.”

MY FRIEND’S MUM: JUKEBOX JURY She actually just said “back a grey”, but Jukebox Jury (#8) is grey and gets bonus points for a silly name.

Jukebox Jury, an English ‘stayer’:
Melbourne Cup Last Minute Tips
Picture: Nicole Garmston via Daily Telegraph.

PICK BASED ON PHOTO: HAWK ISLAND There’s something about the grim determination of Hawk Island (#13) that makes me feel like taking a gamble on this long-shot (paying $80-1 at the time of writing).

DON’T GO TOO RANDOM Usually my strategy is to pluck a random number out of the form guide and hope for the best. BUT make sure you check to see if any horses have been scratched or injured. Do NOT bet on the horse Mourayan (#10) because it has just been scratched.

SARTORIAL PICK: AT FIRST SIGHT The jockey of At First Sight (#17) wears a jersey with simple colour-blocking – one of this season’s big style trends. If you are coming from a betting background of pure ignorance, this approach to picking horses is as good as similar unfounded methods such as selection based on lucky numbers, shirt colours and handsomeness of jockeys.

HIGH STAKES, HIGH RETURNS: THE VERMINATOR Besides having a crap name The Verminator had a terrible run last weekend at Flemington (I read that). It’s low odds at 101:1. A good pay day if it miraculously delivers a win!

Good luck and remember to gamble/drink sensibly.

Drink sensibly while playing the Melbourne Cup Drinking Game.